so my friend was telling her ex what kind of dog she wanted as he wants to buy her and her daughter a new dog so she wrote up an email about the dog she wanted. the breed is rather expensive but you can get a rescued one for cheaper. but knowing her ex as she does she felt it necessary to include a list of what "rescued" did NOT mean. i thought it was hysterical and should be turned into what we did not want in a man. so here you go.
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"F.Y.I.
"Rescued" will not fit the description of a dog I will raise that: is retarded, is maimed, is uni/para/ or quadriplegic, has psychological or personality defects, is blind and/or deaf, is one that has more or less than its fair share of eyes/ears/legs/tails/faces/anus's, walks backwards, is inside out, belonged to Michael Vick, was separated at birth from the "normal twin," will only eat macaroni and cheese, steals from my purse, is missing internal organs other than the procedure for becoming spayed or neutered, needs constant medical care or has a catheter or intravenous port installed in it, understands only a foreign language that I don't, has cancer/AIDS/Heartworm or some other deadly affliction, has been assembled from other animals like "catdog" or Rocky Horror, is suicidal, has google-ey or crossed eyes, is addicted to cigarettes/sex/drugs/alcohol, has killed things in its past or is so ugly it has been falsely imprisoned on the premise that it could have been La Chupa Cabra. I don't want a dog that falls into any of these categories, or any others I might fall into, harsh as that may sound."
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"F.Y.I.
"Rescued" will not fit the description of a dog I will raise that: is retarded, is maimed, is uni/para/ or quadriplegic, has psychological or personality defects, is blind and/or deaf, is one that has more or less than its fair share of eyes/ears/legs/tails/faces/anus's, walks backwards, is inside out, belonged to Michael Vick, was separated at birth from the "normal twin," will only eat macaroni and cheese, steals from my purse, is missing internal organs other than the procedure for becoming spayed or neutered, needs constant medical care or has a catheter or intravenous port installed in it, understands only a foreign language that I don't, has cancer/AIDS/Heartworm or some other deadly affliction, has been assembled from other animals like "catdog" or Rocky Horror, is suicidal, has google-ey or crossed eyes, is addicted to cigarettes/sex/drugs/alcohol, has killed things in its past or is so ugly it has been falsely imprisoned on the premise that it could have been La Chupa Cabra. I don't want a dog that falls into any of these categories, or any others I might fall into, harsh as that may sound."
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
f1ssure:
where'd you go????
agentnopants:
i'm still here...where'd you go??