Just tried to sign relatively important paperwork with a tampon.
THAT kind of day...
I need a beer/nap/swift punch to the throat.
THAT kind of day...
I need a beer/nap/swift punch to the throat.
Hey bronchitis, I've been in bed for the past four days, and I'm pretty sure my legs have atrophied. Fuck off already.
A few things I've noticed while my brain has been riddled with fever:
1. My dog and I can read each other's mind.
2. I don't blink.
3. I can remove my legs at the hip.
FEEEEEEL SORRRRRRY FOR MEEEEEEEEE!
A few things I've noticed while my brain has been riddled with fever:
1. My dog and I can read each other's mind.
2. I don't blink.
3. I can remove my legs at the hip.
FEEEEEEL SORRRRRRY FOR MEEEEEEEEE!
So I'm standing in line at the pharmacy to get my monthly prescription. There are two little old ladies behind me. The pharmacist tells me that my insurance copay is $10, as usual. I begin to pay, but stop midway when I hear one old lady say to the other "She could save ten bucks a month if she would just practice abstinence."
I couldn't...
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I couldn't...
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factory_girl:
what a little mouth on that old lady!
knives2meatyou:
We love mom. She have any naked pics???
My wisdom teeth are bothering me a bit. Half of my face is swollen, and I have a splitting headache on one side of my head. I am morally opposed to having them removed (read: scared shitless) so I have just allowed them to grow in. They're not crowding my other teeth or anything, but they ARE a pain in the ass.
Today one of...
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Today one of...
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knives2meatyou:
You are witty, and losing your wisdom teeth won't make you any less so. Your wisdom teeth sound a lot like me - I'm not crowding your teeth (though it does sound like an interesting proposition) and I'm a pain in the ass, too.
Don't be scared just because you'll have blood and spit and god knows what else oozing from your mouth, clenched open against your will for an inordinate amount of time, while you slowly suffocate on your own mucus. It's not that big a deal, you pussy.
Don't be scared just because you'll have blood and spit and god knows what else oozing from your mouth, clenched open against your will for an inordinate amount of time, while you slowly suffocate on your own mucus. It's not that big a deal, you pussy.
4sev4en:
I said fuck it and let mine grown in and i had a couple of times like that but it would eventually go away! I hate the FUCKING dentists!
Today feels like a "sit outside on the balcony listening to the Misfits while working my way through a case of PBR." kinda day.
Instead, I will skip out of the office a bit early to hide in cool, dark, comfort of my bedroom and watch shows about murderers on Investigation Discovery.
That is, until it's time to watch wrasslin'.
Because I'm super classy.
(Will...
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Instead, I will skip out of the office a bit early to hide in cool, dark, comfort of my bedroom and watch shows about murderers on Investigation Discovery.
That is, until it's time to watch wrasslin'.
Because I'm super classy.
(Will...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
suicide_blonde:
Thanks. I knew I could count on you.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go beat my wife...
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go beat my wife...
knives2meatyou:
I would bet you not only look good in a wife beater, you would look good AS a wife beater. Wouldn't THAT be a set....
The 80 year-old woman in me politely asked for a cup of hot tea with a bit of lemon.
"If it's not TOO much trouble."
The 26 year-old in me just gave her some Grey Goose.
In a mug.
With a bit of lemon.
"It really was no trouble at all."
I look rather productive here with my trusty Columbia University mug (stolen from a...
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"If it's not TOO much trouble."
The 26 year-old in me just gave her some Grey Goose.
In a mug.
With a bit of lemon.
"It really was no trouble at all."
I look rather productive here with my trusty Columbia University mug (stolen from a...
Read More
knives2meatyou:
My breath was indeed bated, by the way, but the bait was a worm and there was no tequila, so generally waiting made me blue and agaveted. You may take all of this with a grain of salt but I gave it my best shot.
Welcome home.
Welcome home.
sextrash:
Liquor is quicker, I always say.
And how else can you be expected to drop out into the so unknown?
And how else can you be expected to drop out into the so unknown?
So I'm back.
(and better than Never.)
I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath.
I missed you.
(and better than Never.)
I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath.
I missed you.
ATTENTION OHIO FRIENDS!
Mark your calendars...The Appalachian Hell Betties are hosting their 2nd event, "Habitat for Hell Betties" on Thursday, June 2nd at The Union in Athens!! 5 bands for you to rock out to, while mingling with our ladies & supporting our cause! Last event was a success and enabled us to purchase team equipment...this event will provide us a space in which to...
Read More
Mark your calendars...The Appalachian Hell Betties are hosting their 2nd event, "Habitat for Hell Betties" on Thursday, June 2nd at The Union in Athens!! 5 bands for you to rock out to, while mingling with our ladies & supporting our cause! Last event was a success and enabled us to purchase team equipment...this event will provide us a space in which to...
Read More
Ahhh.
Porch brews with my gentleman.
He's smoking his pipe, I'm reading a book, and we're both waiting for the storm to roll in...
The Appalachian Hellbetties Skullbangers Ball was a HUGE success. I'd like to thank everyone who made it what it was. Good venue, great bands, and an awesome turnout. Unfortunately, I was in my second day of some sort of upper respiratory mess, so I wasn't quite in my top form... But I did give it "the old college try"...
...and by "old college try", I...
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...and by "old college try", I...
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heartbaker:
Sounds like fun... Too bad I'm so far away
Just had the following awkward conversation with the woman ahead of me at the post office:
Woman-"It sure looks like you're wearing falsies."
Me- (Quickly glances down at chest and chuckles uncomfortably.) "Nope, they're all mine."
Woman-"I wish I were that lucky!"
Me-"It's not luck, just good stuff from Victoria's Secret."
Woman-"I didn't know Victoria's Secret sold mascara."
Apparently she was talking about false EYELASHES...
erinzombie:
lol 
redrufus4u:
Oops! 