Had a pretty shit morning.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Was supposed to see the mental health specialist at my GP's about my depression and stuff, but after waiting for the bus for half an hour, some randomer told me the whole service was cancelled so i couldnt get there.
I then rang the GP surgery to say i had to walk there (20 minute walk) and i'd be late, but then they said they would just have to cancell it and i would have to see the woman in a month's time. Id already been waiting since december to see this woman.
Then, walking back home i had a panic attack in the middle of this street, couldnt breathe at all. This woman walking past asked if i was alright, and when she saw i couldnt breathe she came over and told me what to do, it turned out she was a nurse.( I was about 200m away from york hospital) And she stayed with me untill my breathing went back to normal.
After that, i started walking again, wondering what id do for the rest of the month because i was really struggling to cope already, then i decided to go to this walk in clinic to see if they could give me anything.
After waiting about 5 minutes i saw a nurse, id pretty much not stopped crying all morning but managed to explain some stuff to her, then she said i was severely depressed and should be on medication. So she set me up an emergancy appointment back at my doctors and sent me off.
So then i remembered the bus service to where my doctors was had been cancelled, and i couldnt afford a taxi, and it would take me about an hour to walk there (i had 20 minutes.) So i decided to call my dad. Only a couple of people knew i was seing a doctor today, my dad didnt really know what was going on, so i felt really bad having to explain to him what was happening...but he said he'd pick me up and take me.
Then a minute later he called me back and said he couldnt because hed left his car at the garage to get his windscreen repaired, so he told me to walk to where he worked and he'd call a taxi.
So, i got there, the taxi was there, my dad gave me a big hug+stuff, then we went to the doctors. Got there on time, and saw this doctor. Thankfully it was a different one to the woman i'd seen before who didnt take me seriously and did nothing at all to help me. She's setting up some 'intensive treatment' (though, i dont really know what that will entail) and she gave me a fun form to fill out to help her work out what kind of meds to put me on.
I have to go and see her on thursday to find out what these 'arrangements' are and pick up a prescription.
You know youve cried too much when you get salt staligtites on your eyelashes.
Im back at home now, feeling a bit better. Still pretty clueless about everything though, my head hurts, i want to sleep, but i cant. My doctor says i should try and tell my mum whats going on. How the fuck do i start. I think tonight might be difficult.