Allow me to preface this post with the fact that I might be a little bit baked, and with that I do apologize for any spelling or grammar errors that might make this post a bit hard to read. I also apologize if my train of thought is like one in the movie Inception and just fucking comes outta nowhere and then disappears.
So I've had a really crappy day at work. My boss is away on vacation and I being the only one in the crew with the ability to take his responsibilities have to do his job. But of course because of my age the owner of the company doesn't see me in this way so he spent the entire day telling my boss what I needed to do, most of the time after I had already gotten that thing done. But when I asked questions that I actually needed an answer to, to do my job, I didn't even get an answer. So finally at the supposed end of my work day I got what I finally needed and had to stay 4 hours in over time. So it was a big ol' boat load of stupid at work today. But, none of that is what really ruined my mood. It was more the fact that I wish I had someone in my life that I could talk to about these things and have them just listen so that I could vent.
I want someone in the world to just be around and just make me not care anymore. I want a girlfriend, or even a really close friend. Now let it be known that I love those of you who read what I post on to this blog, it's not the same. I find that strange that I can't talk to any of the people that are involved in my life and really open up but on the other side of the coin I can tell all my thoughts to people looking at a computer screen who I've never and will never meet. Its almost like never talking to the people who know you and you know back but instead walking through a crowded mall of people who are complete strangers and announcing your thoughts to the world via a megaphone. (Really hoping that made sense to someone besides myself).
But with all these thoughts swirling in my head, my mind turned instead to the question of "what do I want if I were to get a girlfriend?" Right away all of these adjectives rained down on my world like a massive rain cloud that a finally let its payload of moisture bombs upon those below. I want her nerdy, smart, interesting, unpredictable, comforting, intimate, understanding, fun, cutie. But it was only after the rain cloud dissipated did the sun of my biggest desire appear, when I looked at her I wanted the world to dim it's lights and turn down the volume. I wanted to look in her eyes and find in them a recess in her soul to be myself in. I wanted to find in those eyes, the eyes of a girl who cares and loves me. I want to not be able to imagine better people in our lives. That there was always someone to supported me or at least understood where I was coming from.
I would give everything I had in the world to feel like that. All the money, everything I own, to just to genuinely have that. Maybe some day, the world with go quiet around me and the lights of reality itself will dim at the very moment I first lay eyes upon her, but alas not today. Maybe tomorrow will bring a much quieter and darker day, if that happens I will welcome it.
So I've had a really crappy day at work. My boss is away on vacation and I being the only one in the crew with the ability to take his responsibilities have to do his job. But of course because of my age the owner of the company doesn't see me in this way so he spent the entire day telling my boss what I needed to do, most of the time after I had already gotten that thing done. But when I asked questions that I actually needed an answer to, to do my job, I didn't even get an answer. So finally at the supposed end of my work day I got what I finally needed and had to stay 4 hours in over time. So it was a big ol' boat load of stupid at work today. But, none of that is what really ruined my mood. It was more the fact that I wish I had someone in my life that I could talk to about these things and have them just listen so that I could vent.
I want someone in the world to just be around and just make me not care anymore. I want a girlfriend, or even a really close friend. Now let it be known that I love those of you who read what I post on to this blog, it's not the same. I find that strange that I can't talk to any of the people that are involved in my life and really open up but on the other side of the coin I can tell all my thoughts to people looking at a computer screen who I've never and will never meet. Its almost like never talking to the people who know you and you know back but instead walking through a crowded mall of people who are complete strangers and announcing your thoughts to the world via a megaphone. (Really hoping that made sense to someone besides myself).
But with all these thoughts swirling in my head, my mind turned instead to the question of "what do I want if I were to get a girlfriend?" Right away all of these adjectives rained down on my world like a massive rain cloud that a finally let its payload of moisture bombs upon those below. I want her nerdy, smart, interesting, unpredictable, comforting, intimate, understanding, fun, cutie. But it was only after the rain cloud dissipated did the sun of my biggest desire appear, when I looked at her I wanted the world to dim it's lights and turn down the volume. I wanted to look in her eyes and find in them a recess in her soul to be myself in. I wanted to find in those eyes, the eyes of a girl who cares and loves me. I want to not be able to imagine better people in our lives. That there was always someone to supported me or at least understood where I was coming from.
I would give everything I had in the world to feel like that. All the money, everything I own, to just to genuinely have that. Maybe some day, the world with go quiet around me and the lights of reality itself will dim at the very moment I first lay eyes upon her, but alas not today. Maybe tomorrow will bring a much quieter and darker day, if that happens I will welcome it.
Your writing is always so lovely and descriptive to read.
And im sure you'll find that girl for you soon