haskalmighty

Blah blah blah, whine about unrequited love, blah blah blah blah, self-loathing disguised as overconfidence disguised as self-loathing, blah blah, mildly amusing anecdote about coworkers, blahblahblahblahblahblah....

*sigh*

I am not a mechanism, an
assembly of various sections
And it is not because the mechanism
is working wrongly that I am ill

I am ill because of wounds to the soul
to the deep emotional self...
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So i finally gave in. I'm running Windows right now, because i really really really wanted to listen to a song and i still can't get sound working in Linux.

I feel dirty.

So i wrote this long letter to BeautifulGirl about how i thought it was really important for her to allow people to love her and help her, rather than pushing them away - i told her not to be afraid of me; that i couldn't promise that i'd never turn my back on her, being human, but that the only way to avoid that risk...
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So that was weird.

I played DDR: Extreme at Main Street vs. BeautifulGirl. She kicked my ass royally. I kept telling them i'd never played before. They wouldn't believe me till they saw my absolute lack of skillz.

NOW REVENGE IS AT HAND

So i'm thinking of getting a couple of these, and maybe a mod chip and working long hours into the night...
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So i smoked my last cigarette just now. I went outside with my dog, Cookie, and sat in the middle of the street thinking about BeautifulGirl. It was so dark with the new moon and the cloud cover that the cherry was the only thing i could see, apart from Cookie's occasional wanderings to and fro. I rolled out the cherry and watch it burn...
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So i'm pretty convinced i have a mood disorder - either Seasonal Affective Disorder, or rapid-cycle bipolarity. I wonder how i feel about that.

Going to see my folks this weekend, which has been long, long overdue.

So guess what, guys?

I must admit, my last 8 months of posts have all been a giant hoax.

I'll give that some time to sink in.

........
........
........
Time passes...

So, yes, the truth is, i do not work at a restaurant, i am not chronically obsessed with girls i don't deserve, i have never gone to a party or hung out with...
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So i'm waiting for rain.

Lots of change these days. Switching shifts at work, which should give me half again my current income, but will probably be about 3 times more stressful; moving in about a month; trying to learn to skateboard; thinking about switching majors to nursing.

And rain should be coming soon.

By the way, i'm not sure i agree on the whole...
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Whoa, what a cool fuckin' day.

So i wake up at about this time last night because it's well, hot, and i can't really go back to sleep because i'm drenched with sweat and preoccupied besides. So i'm like, what the hell am i going to do for 3 hours before i have to go to work? I was in a really shitty mood for...
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I swear to God i had this Life thing down not two months ago. What the hell happened to me?

I used to know all the things i wanted to accomplish, and the exact order in which i wanted to accomplish them; now i can't settle down on one solid goal for more than half a day.

I used to be pretty content more than...
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Do you ever go back and read all your old entries? God it can be embarrassing. I wonder, if i had the sort of insight into the present that i have into the past, would i be just as embarrassed about the things i'm saying/thinking/doing now?

So BeautifulGirl is in kind of a shitty mood lately partly because one of her best friends turns out to have a meth problem. Which kind of puts me in a shitty mood because ultimately i'm not sure there's a whole lot we can do for this girl. She's not going to be able to make rent this month (BG's friend, Hilda) and will probably...
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