So it's been awhile obviously. Having a hard time getting motivated. my days are packed with good intentions of updating all my sites and blogs, and actually getting stuff done in the real world to. Instead all I do is go to work, come home, get drunk, pass out. I"m stuck in a big ol void of a rut I guess.
Which is odd considering how happy youd think i'd be right now. I moved in with david and 2 other rather neat roommates, i got promoted at petco i'm now management, got keys and everything... i've actually got money in the bank AND in my pocket which hardly ever happens. But still... I don't know. I just keep coming back to a time in my life where I was honest to god completely happy being dirt poor and on the road. I mean don't get me wrong I am happy I guess but...
ok try to follow me on this it may get wierd.
I love david. All the crap that has happened lately and the fact that i'm still with him hs proved that to me. I have no doubts there. It's the other stuff. I remember a time when i had friends that i honestly knew were friends. And i'm not saying I don't have those now, I definitely do, and people change and blah blah blah, it's not like i'm clinging to my old friends that i miss or anything like that, its just...a few days ago me and my friend sam got into a fight. and she's one of those people that i honestly know is my friend. and i hardly ever see her because i'm constantly blowing her off to hang out with people that either just want me to get them beer so they tolerate me, or else they need something else. I spend a lot of time with people like that and not much time with people who honestly are good friends to me. It's stupid. But i can't seem to pull out of the void. I'm clinging to something and I dont even know what it is. A year has gone by really fast, it makes my head spin. It's like I think about some things and then realize they were a year ago or more already and it seems like its something that should have just happened last month. David and I have been together 7 months already, and that just seems crazy. Like we just got togetheror something.
I don't know.
It's just awkward. Not being with david, that was just an example of time flying, but all the other stuff. I should be thrilled and completely content right now but i'm not. I think it's because i'm not really where i want to be. In lots of different ways. I don't know. I say I don't Know Alot. Yes I know I just totally butchered that sentance.
I wish i knew what was bugging me but i don't. Which is another crafty way of saying I don't know.
I do know that I"m getting sick of people thinking its ok to tell me what to do constantly. Im old enough to make my own decisions and yet still from everyone, i'm constantly hearing you have to do this and why didn't you do that, and you better not this, or you better that. You better not talk to her. your not allowed to speak to them. you have to come over tonight. you better not say anything to him. you have to do this for me. i told you to call me i don't care if you had to work open to close today, you pussy. why can't you come over, you suck. do this now. blah blah blah.
Gotta stop. I'm going to end up bitch slapping someone soon I can feel it.
In other news...
I'm hungry. Cosmic brownies here I come. I also need to shower. David totally made a mess in the bathroom dying his hair black. Yep its true... we're twinkies now. I haven't decided if I like it better than him being blonde yet.
Thats all.
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Which is odd considering how happy youd think i'd be right now. I moved in with david and 2 other rather neat roommates, i got promoted at petco i'm now management, got keys and everything... i've actually got money in the bank AND in my pocket which hardly ever happens. But still... I don't know. I just keep coming back to a time in my life where I was honest to god completely happy being dirt poor and on the road. I mean don't get me wrong I am happy I guess but...
ok try to follow me on this it may get wierd.
I love david. All the crap that has happened lately and the fact that i'm still with him hs proved that to me. I have no doubts there. It's the other stuff. I remember a time when i had friends that i honestly knew were friends. And i'm not saying I don't have those now, I definitely do, and people change and blah blah blah, it's not like i'm clinging to my old friends that i miss or anything like that, its just...a few days ago me and my friend sam got into a fight. and she's one of those people that i honestly know is my friend. and i hardly ever see her because i'm constantly blowing her off to hang out with people that either just want me to get them beer so they tolerate me, or else they need something else. I spend a lot of time with people like that and not much time with people who honestly are good friends to me. It's stupid. But i can't seem to pull out of the void. I'm clinging to something and I dont even know what it is. A year has gone by really fast, it makes my head spin. It's like I think about some things and then realize they were a year ago or more already and it seems like its something that should have just happened last month. David and I have been together 7 months already, and that just seems crazy. Like we just got togetheror something.
I don't know.
It's just awkward. Not being with david, that was just an example of time flying, but all the other stuff. I should be thrilled and completely content right now but i'm not. I think it's because i'm not really where i want to be. In lots of different ways. I don't know. I say I don't Know Alot. Yes I know I just totally butchered that sentance.
I wish i knew what was bugging me but i don't. Which is another crafty way of saying I don't know.
I do know that I"m getting sick of people thinking its ok to tell me what to do constantly. Im old enough to make my own decisions and yet still from everyone, i'm constantly hearing you have to do this and why didn't you do that, and you better not this, or you better that. You better not talk to her. your not allowed to speak to them. you have to come over tonight. you better not say anything to him. you have to do this for me. i told you to call me i don't care if you had to work open to close today, you pussy. why can't you come over, you suck. do this now. blah blah blah.
Gotta stop. I'm going to end up bitch slapping someone soon I can feel it.
In other news...
I'm hungry. Cosmic brownies here I come. I also need to shower. David totally made a mess in the bathroom dying his hair black. Yep its true... we're twinkies now. I haven't decided if I like it better than him being blonde yet.
Thats all.
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