I finished this piece yesterday:
Ink on Arches 8x12
At least I think it's finished, I never quite feel like anything is finished these days... like I could always do more but I suppose the skill is to know when to just stop before you make anything worse, right?
It's my birthday tomorrow and I feel so weird about it. I hate to admit it but I've been having anxiety about it all week long. It's so stupid, it's just a birthday; a number, right? I don't know I've always had this fear of getting close to 30 (I'll actually only be 29 but it's my last year of 20s that scares me). 30 always seemed to be really old to a younger me. I mean, really it's not really old but it seems like 30 is supposed to be when you're really an adult (not 21 like everyone pretends). Hell the group on here for members over 30 is called geezers, if that doesn't make you feel old I don't know what does. All of this feels extra silly because some of my closest friends are already in their 30s.
Well, most of my birthdays that I can remember have almost all been entirely sucky, and so it just seems I'm transferring some inevitable misery onto age this time. It's totally melodramatic to say misery of course, I realised that no one else is responsible for our own happiness so why should we expect it just because it's the anniversary of the day we emerged into the world kicking and screaming? Life is what you make it and no one day is an exception.
So, I didn't actually come here to lament about my birthday as weird as it seems since I already wrote two paragraphs about it. I actually came by to show you my latest piece and because I finished reading this book just now:
It was quite profound in the end for what some people might dismiss as a Science Fiction detective novel (i.e. cyberpunk) but really I find a lot of these kind of books have a profundity many might pass by and dismiss because of the genre. I have no idea why it gets such a bad rep. Well, it's left me thinking quite a lot and left a big gaping wound in my heart for the protagonist. I read Jon Courtenay Grimwood's End of the World Blues a couple of years ago and it left me with a really similar feeling. This is one of his earlier novels and the writing is definitely not as polished, but the way it centres around Celestial Foxes and Chinese Mythology really caught me.
But it's left me thinking as always that I'll never be able to read all of the books I want to in my life time as well as accomplish everything I hope to at the same time. Not only this, I really love reading but I'm a little slow and have a hard time focusing on it... it comes in fits and bursts. There's good reason for this, but I also realised recently that when I'm done with a book and finish thinking about it, tidying off all my thoughts away I forget any real details of nearly every book I've ever read. I could tell you over and over how much I loved a particular book and I could tell you why. I could even give you maybe a gist of the story but I can't unlock anything in my memories about what actually happened in the book.
It's really frustrating and I don't know if it's always been this way or if it's just something recent that these memories are just stuck. I even tried to think about my favourite comic series or graphic novels and I'm having the same trouble. Of course the more I stress over it the harder it is to remember. It's something I noticed a few months ago when trying to describe a book I'd read to someone and failed.
Now I feel like I have to re-read all of the books I really loved to try and remind myself why they were so incredible. Of course that just can't happen, aside from the fact there's so many out there I haven't even picked up.
And all of these frustrations, my birthday included are all inside my own mind. How ridiculous do I sound right now? I've had some serious problems and hurdles in my life in the past and now I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown over entirely immaterial things that really no one can change and it's just a matter of the fact that we're human and have very short lives and so much in the world to fill them with.
What do we choose to leave out?
Well, for now I'll leave you with some details of that piece up there that I originally came here to show you but ended up taking up your screen with all of these words. If you've actually read all of this then I'm pretty impressed, it probably sounds like the ramblings of some self obsessed weirdo. I'm not always like that I promise!
This is just one part of two pieces that will go together, the other will involve a naked guy. They need a collective name, if you have ideas start throwing them my way!
Ink on Arches 8x12
At least I think it's finished, I never quite feel like anything is finished these days... like I could always do more but I suppose the skill is to know when to just stop before you make anything worse, right?
It's my birthday tomorrow and I feel so weird about it. I hate to admit it but I've been having anxiety about it all week long. It's so stupid, it's just a birthday; a number, right? I don't know I've always had this fear of getting close to 30 (I'll actually only be 29 but it's my last year of 20s that scares me). 30 always seemed to be really old to a younger me. I mean, really it's not really old but it seems like 30 is supposed to be when you're really an adult (not 21 like everyone pretends). Hell the group on here for members over 30 is called geezers, if that doesn't make you feel old I don't know what does. All of this feels extra silly because some of my closest friends are already in their 30s.
Well, most of my birthdays that I can remember have almost all been entirely sucky, and so it just seems I'm transferring some inevitable misery onto age this time. It's totally melodramatic to say misery of course, I realised that no one else is responsible for our own happiness so why should we expect it just because it's the anniversary of the day we emerged into the world kicking and screaming? Life is what you make it and no one day is an exception.
So, I didn't actually come here to lament about my birthday as weird as it seems since I already wrote two paragraphs about it. I actually came by to show you my latest piece and because I finished reading this book just now:
It was quite profound in the end for what some people might dismiss as a Science Fiction detective novel (i.e. cyberpunk) but really I find a lot of these kind of books have a profundity many might pass by and dismiss because of the genre. I have no idea why it gets such a bad rep. Well, it's left me thinking quite a lot and left a big gaping wound in my heart for the protagonist. I read Jon Courtenay Grimwood's End of the World Blues a couple of years ago and it left me with a really similar feeling. This is one of his earlier novels and the writing is definitely not as polished, but the way it centres around Celestial Foxes and Chinese Mythology really caught me.
But it's left me thinking as always that I'll never be able to read all of the books I want to in my life time as well as accomplish everything I hope to at the same time. Not only this, I really love reading but I'm a little slow and have a hard time focusing on it... it comes in fits and bursts. There's good reason for this, but I also realised recently that when I'm done with a book and finish thinking about it, tidying off all my thoughts away I forget any real details of nearly every book I've ever read. I could tell you over and over how much I loved a particular book and I could tell you why. I could even give you maybe a gist of the story but I can't unlock anything in my memories about what actually happened in the book.
It's really frustrating and I don't know if it's always been this way or if it's just something recent that these memories are just stuck. I even tried to think about my favourite comic series or graphic novels and I'm having the same trouble. Of course the more I stress over it the harder it is to remember. It's something I noticed a few months ago when trying to describe a book I'd read to someone and failed.
Now I feel like I have to re-read all of the books I really loved to try and remind myself why they were so incredible. Of course that just can't happen, aside from the fact there's so many out there I haven't even picked up.
And all of these frustrations, my birthday included are all inside my own mind. How ridiculous do I sound right now? I've had some serious problems and hurdles in my life in the past and now I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown over entirely immaterial things that really no one can change and it's just a matter of the fact that we're human and have very short lives and so much in the world to fill them with.
What do we choose to leave out?
Well, for now I'll leave you with some details of that piece up there that I originally came here to show you but ended up taking up your screen with all of these words. If you've actually read all of this then I'm pretty impressed, it probably sounds like the ramblings of some self obsessed weirdo. I'm not always like that I promise!
This is just one part of two pieces that will go together, the other will involve a naked guy. They need a collective name, if you have ideas start throwing them my way!
VIEW 25 of 113 COMMENTS
I have a similar problem with stories I read, and, being an armchair scientist, I've come up with a satisfying reason for why this probably happens: its a side effect of how our brains process information. When we come across new information we have to integrate it into what we already know...if we don't, then the new information stands on its own and over time it will just fade away. What you need to do is associate the new information with information that's already in your brain -- in fact, your brain has a mechanism to do this naturally, but in some people (like you and I) it needs to be stimulated a bit. And therein lies the solution....
I have discovered that if I do a little research while I'm reading a book, its details and themes tend to stay with me a lot longer. What I mean by "research" is just going out to the net and googling about for more depth on whatever details inspire my interest in the book. If the book is fiction, this often means visiting the author's website (or the fansite) and learning more about what inspired them to write the novel -- and that typically takes me off in new directions, reading about mythology, or history, or fashion, or whatever. The point here is to help your brain make connections between the book and whatever else it knows. Its also a lot of fun!
[Oh...and happy belated birthday to ya!]