i decided that my confused and shocked journal earlier wasn't a good enough tribute for sweet elsie. so, here are some photos of her just playing and singing, that she loved so much. i know these memories will always be etched in my mind, so i want you to share them too.



















Destiny... destiny protect me from the world
Destiny... hold my hand, protect me from the world

Here we are, with our running and confusion
And I don't see no confusion anymore

As the world does turn
And if london burns
Ill be standing on the beach with my guitar
I wanna be in a band
When I get to heaven
Anyone can play guitar and they won't
Be a nothing anymore

Grow my hair... grow my hair I am jim morrison
Grow my hair... I wanna be wanna be wanna be jim morrison

Here we are, with our running and confusion
And I don't see no confusion anymore

As the world does turn
And if london burns
Ill be standing on the beach with my guitar
I wanna be in a band
When I get to heaven
Anyone can play guitar and they won't
Be a nothing anymore

radiohead - anyone can play guitar

my entry from earlier as confused as it was it was my heart spilling...

elsie was one of the most beautiful, most caring, most passionate and creative women i've met from here. i am going to miss her so much.

i just can't believe just a few days ago i was talking to her about coming back to ohio and spending an afternoon together to play some music.

oh elsie, i'm just so glad i got to spend what little time i did with you. i still mean what i told you last week. stay strong, wherever you are. you are special and beautiful.





i am just going to miss her and her little emails and messages so so much. what a great loss for the world.

elsie was one of the most beautiful, most caring, most passionate and creative women i've met from here. i am going to miss her so much.

i just can't believe just a few days ago i was talking to her about coming back to ohio and spending an afternoon together to play some music.

oh elsie, i'm just so glad i got to spend what little time i did with you. i still mean what i told you last week. stay strong, wherever you are. you are special and beautiful.





i am just going to miss her and her little emails and messages so so much. what a great loss for the world.

i still haven't had time to reply to everyone. boo. busy is good though, i guess. right now, though i have an AWFUL headache. double boo.

BUT! elsie's set is up for all to see! now, i could have sworn that i had a couple of brilliant outtakes from this set but i haven't been able to find them today. i'm kicking myself! so, you'll just have to make do with the actual set itself.

mostly i feel lucky because this theme is clearly special to her, as she is a singer songwriter. check her videos!

so, i guess i am hoping her set gets loved and accepted because i know it is a lot like the real elsie that you all really should get to know! it was a nice, relaxed afternoon shoot after alissa, radeo, frolic and i spent the morning/early afternoon getting stoned, watching the old willy wonka and then going on an epic journey to go buy candy where everyone pointed and laughed at us.

then poor elsie came to alissa's house to hear us telling her tales of our adventures. it was pretty damn hot outside, so i'm really glad we decided to shoot in the shade. sitting just behind me shooting (you'll have to imagine this because these are the photos i've lost) were the other girls keeping us company and spending the afternoon in the sun.

go take a look. i'm pretty sure elsie has one of the best bums on the whole of the site.













i pretty much hate my own feet, but i am obsessed with other people's feet (especially women's feet and shoes) i think they can be so sexy in their own way.





also up for all to see are some sets from alissa that i was along for! so here are some fun behind the scenes from those shoots.

first the ever amazing wendy: http://suicidegirls.com/members/Wendy/albums/site/9433/

i love this girl, i felt so lucky to finally meet her



















so many horse photos!

then archie: http://suicidegirls.com/members/Archie/albums/site/9484/

(miss that girl. come back to vancouver!)










(radeo took this one! that's me holding the reflector)





then next one up is frolic's set! this was obviously the harvestmen epidemic. but i have more to show you...

(LOVE the concept for this set - an animal going to find their place to die in the woods: http://suicidegirls.com/members/Frolic/albums/site/9485/)





(frolic doing a jig with a twig! boner over!)



WOAH. now that was a lot of photos, incase you didn't notice.

one day i'll have a fun life again and be able to talk to you about something other than suicidegirl's sets! but for now i'm living my life through my memories...

ohio taught me how to love shooting suicidegirl sets again.

i really wish i had time to reply to everyone, but i am still so busy with all the work i have it's sort of crazy! it's probably a good thing though. i am so glad everyone loves Rigel's set so much, i'm very proud of it, and yes i realise how lucky i am i got to shoot her and that all those things fell into place! luck seems to be my middle name with my shoots lately.

so, next up from the ohio shoots is GDGT (Gidget if you can't work that out). she was one of the reasons i even thought about going to ohio! i posted somewhere how much i wanted to photograph her and alissa said "come to ohio and i'm sure we can arrange that!" and that's pretty much what happened. i'm lucky! (i told you!)

just before shooting gdgt's set i was "helping" (sort of, but mostly getting in the way) alissa shoot frolic's new set. turns out there were TONS of what i thought were SPIDERS everywhere in the woods we were shooting in. well, they weren't actually spiders but harvestmen (which are arachnids but not spiders) either way they have 8 legs (sometimes less) and are fucking creepy, and they were everywhere!!



anyway, so i "bravely" (not) stood watch and occasionally helped with reflection. i stood and tried to take my mind off it by watching the sun do crazy dances through the trees and into the (what is to me unnatural) still air.





we cooled off a bit and then it was time to shoot gdgt's set just as the sun was going behind the trees and alissa's beautiful pond was in the summer shade.

what's sort of great is you can see it in the background of rigel's set:



and on a much sunnier day, here it is with the beautiful gdgt charming it to death (that girl is really way too hot for my words). i feel entirely too lucky to have got to shoot her and i'm so grateful that she drove all the way to columbus to shoot.











go see the full thing if you don't believe me yet

oh, out-takes!



alissa being brave and getting rid of the spiders for me.



wooo! upskirt reflection!


i have a LOT to thank alissa for, and not just her reflection!

next up is elsie... just you wait

EDIT: Also, first see this:



incase you missed warning:

aaaaaand, today is of course RIGEL! if you missed it already, i think you must live under a rock or something.

first, here's some out-takes:


it's so weeeettttt!


caught with her pants down. hehe.


so, this set doesn't have much behind the scenes stories because we were frantically shooting as fast as we could in an awesome thunderstorm. we'd had plans for this set just a few days before (it was fairly spontaneous) and we were going to fake the rain, but then on the way to driving back to alissa's for rigel to do makeup etc. it started thundering (it was extremely warm and humid). we were so excited that we might actually get a real rain storm for the set.

when we got back to alissa's rigel was all like "can't we just do it here on the deck??" - the original plan was to go back to the place that amina was shooting her amazing set and watch the end and then shoot afterwards, but we didn't want to loose the storm.

anway, it suddenly started bucketing it down so i yelled at rigel to come quick we have to get going! i think we shot the set inside 15 minutes with me standing in a doorway trying desperately not to get my camera too wet, and then occasionally hopping outside and holding a coat over my head with one hand and shooting with the other. tricky stuff.

amina's set was one of the only sets i didn't get to watch over that week, and i'm a bit sad about that, but it is also so great to me that both her and rigel had the same idea and that both i and alissa got to show our different takes on it!

i think this set is probably my favourite that i've ever shot (and that is saying a lot with over 200+ sets under my belt). i feel so lucky i got to work with rigel on this one.







(this was the first rain rigel had seen since february or january and that is SO alien to me! it's weeeeird. she was so happy to be in that storm. i was too, to be honest. it was so hot and humid!)









okay, that's enough showing off from me. go see it here!! tell me which your favourite photo is!

OH, and a funny photo i forgot in the last entry:



that's alissa being a star and holding the reflector during warning's set.

there was an accident outside of the apartment where i live tonight. it involved a cyclist and it didn't look very good. it's a bit of a coincidence because tomorrow it's been exactly a year since my own not-good bike accident (although mine didn't involve a car or other vehicle). it's unsettled me a little... i suppose that's only natural.

i've been easily upset lately, too. it's quite strange. just the other day i finished reading Matter by Ian M. Banks (at 2amish) and immediately burst into tears for half an hour because i felt so bad for the characters at the end of the book and the sad ending it had. then the next two days after that just thinking about it i would cry, and i have had dreams about their homeworld every night since i finished, and i am still feeling teary just thinking of it now. what is wrong with me?



meet bob evans. best place for breakfast in the midwest.

this is radeo dancing outside (after we ate brekkie):




this was all before i shot warning's new set. my sets from ohio are starting to make their way into the opening (and so are alissa's), and hopefully i can get some of my candids out alongside so you can get a good feel for the whole week we had. it really was the best time i've had in so long. i really want to go back soon.


i know that generally journal entries about sets have become a little common and annoying lately, but i really hope right now that i can just bring you a bit more than that, so you can see what goes on around shooting sets because it is one of the most fun things when everything runs so smoothly. it is one of the reasons i love the job i have. and, really, the time i had in ohio just wouldn't have been the same without all of the shoots that i got to do as well as all the ones i got to help out on.

i still miss everyone there so much and i am hoping more than ever that i can go back soon.

just one of my favourite photo from warning's set:


catch the rest here

this is what was happening in the background during her shoot:



dog and chicken. the carrot's are from a set coming soon from alissa!

at one point during warning's set i almost walked into the chicken when i was walking backwards. now of course in n. america most of you call the male ones roosters, well in the uk we don't. this little fella is apparently very vicious (he looked pretty nasty believe me), and i turned around because he crowed at me and i blurted out "FUCK i almost backed into the COCK!" everyone thought it was mighty funny.

here are some other previews of a few of the shoots coming your way:


Rigel (later this week!)


GDGT


Elsie

(there are more coming too!)

i feel that my sets have taken on a new life of their own recently, and i enjoy that feeling. while, i'm aware that nothing i do is perfect, and there is always room for improvement i am feeling very positive about the photos i am taking.


BIG P.S to the world: although i absolutely LOVE autumn i do NOT love the increase in skunks outside of my window. so sick of that smell!

i am so exhausted. i have been working so hard for so long and i've not really had any good sleep for a month or maybe even more. i've lost track. i have been doing a lot of prep work for quite a few photographers, and while it's been a lot for me to take on it's been good because it means i don't have to go work some retail job... just yet, anyway!

i have been learning to be more positive in everything i do and say and see. it's working a little in just the every day and i notice a big difference. even when i am feeling down or dare i say it, even depressed, there are things that make me sit back and think about how wonderful they are. just this afternoon i was feeling a little down (for no reason really... that happens sometimes) and a song came on my playlist that made me think about how beautiful everything is. it didn't make me feel much better, i still felt down but my heart felt warm. i think that's important.



because i have been working literally all day every day since i got back from ohio (apart from two days i finally took off this past weekend). i still haven't really edited any of my photos from my trip. when i do finally take time away from work the last thing i want to do is go through yet more photos.

i did however look through just now, briefly, and it makes me miss so many people. i still can't quite believe what an incredible time i had.

you know when you miss people so much that they really must be special.

even the photos that i took on the way there are making me nostalgic, and that was possibly the worst day of travel i have ever encountered (and i've had some baduns!)

i have a lot of what i think are my best sets coming to member review over the next few weeks. i owe so much to the amazing women of ohio for everything they did and being so incredibly wonderful. just editing these sets has brought me so much joy because each and every one has a story, and a moment to remember and i think they are all so beautiful in their own way. you'll see...

I was going to wait until I had some of my own photos to post, but that may be a good damn while yet because I am busier than I've been in months! The wonder woman that is Alissa managed to get her photos done already though, so I am stealing some to go here...

I visited Ohio last week. Something Alissa said made me desperately want to go, visit and shoot some sets. It just so happened that when I started planning this there was a big old SG event going on at the same time (and for a good cause too - the Pinups for Soldiers project). So, off I went. The way there was a nightmare I'm not willing to relive, and I dreaded the fact that it might be an omen for things to come but I couldn't have been more wrong.

Alissa and Radeo were there to meet me off the plane despite being hours late and it getting close and closer to midnight. As soon as I rounded the corner and saw their smiles I knew everything was going to be just fine.

It was one of the most enjoyable, exciting and fun weeks of my life. I have never met so many amazing and inspiring women, and I really feel like I have some incredible new friends out of the whole deal. I just fell head over heels in love with Alissa, Radeo and Sunshine they are a trio to be reckoned with and I owe them so so much. I feel like I left them each with a wee piece of my heart.

I would love to bore you to death with details of the laughs we spilled, the shoots we collaborated on, the sun we endured, the storms we loved, the unending highs and even my puking in a public bathroom sink, but alas, I just don't have enough hours in the day. Oh, and did I mention Bob Evans?

On top of this there are all the other incredible women I got to know that week - Frolic, Havana, Meow, Amina, Rigel, Wendy, Sid Annisa, Elsie, Renna, Suri, Warning, Karma, Aijilee and some friends I haven't seen in so long - Sawa, Taye, Archie and Honey (although Honey did also come to stay with me for a couple of weeks prior to this!).

This list doesn't even include all of the super hot SGs I got to meet in passing, but unfortunately didn't get to spend enough time with.


Alissa <3


<3


<3


Taye, Wendy, Me


Not For Me (AKA Boner Over)


Favourite Ladies!

There are many more where those came from:
http://suicidegirls.com/members/AlissaBrunelli/albums/member/125064

I hope to have my own photos some time in the next century...


P.S Incase I didn't make it clear. I miss them...