So I work in this office...
Monday through Friday and occassionally on holidays when I'm bored I spend my day in a menajerie of insanity. Most people can think of a few odd things here and there...but I really think this place takes the cake.
On a normal day I spend it sitting in a corner avoiding the crazy girl (Whom I affectionatly refer to as "Monk") at the records desk that swears she's pregnant while hiding femanine hygene products up her sleeves and washing her hands 60 times a day...at the least and asking me if bats could be burrowing under her house so that they can sneak into her walls and terrorize her...Personally I spend the off time thinking of ways to horrify her, sometimes by dropping granola bars into the trash or m&ms onto the floors and eating them...dirt really doesn't scare me. As an ex-mechanic I've been worse places then the office floor ha ha.
I also think of ways to amuse myself by mortifying "Sir Pot Roast" an aging overweight Santa look-alike that fights as a knight at reniassance fairs and gallantly defends the Faux-Pregnant girl on such occassions when she neurotically asks me if I think it'd be okay if she took her kids to the pumpkin patch even though she's terrified she'll catch "Toxo-plasmosis" from the cow poo in the hay on the hay ride and kill her fake baby...I told her simply that humanity has lived in abject filth until recently and we're still around...where-upon Sir Pot Roast interjects "No! You have to consider all of the people who arn't around though..."...I reeeeeally couldn't help looking at him and saying firmly..."Survival of the Fittest".......
I can't help it... Sir Pot Roast likes lecturing me every day on "how the world REALLY is" while I mortify him with my candid "People need to pull their heads out of their asses (aka you **cough cough**)" remarks...it REALLY is the only way to survive and remain sane in there ha ha.
I DO like my boss though. He looks like Inigo Montoia from The Princess Bride and talks with an amusing monotone flair that makes the crazy people slightly more bearable. He even throws an "Inconsievable" in there from time to time that makes it hard for me to not to snort coffee up my nose.
Overall it's a good job, good money, close to home...but the psychos scare me some days. I'm afraid I may be fired soon if Monk pushes my buttons one too many times and I tell her that if she doesn't wear something besides the one and only outfit I've ever seen her in...I may "accidently" sneaze on her keyboard lol...Oh dear... I can see this ending badly.
So memo to self do NOT encourage the crazies, don't feed the monkeys and say away from the coffee creamer...
ZeeZee
Monday through Friday and occassionally on holidays when I'm bored I spend my day in a menajerie of insanity. Most people can think of a few odd things here and there...but I really think this place takes the cake.
On a normal day I spend it sitting in a corner avoiding the crazy girl (Whom I affectionatly refer to as "Monk") at the records desk that swears she's pregnant while hiding femanine hygene products up her sleeves and washing her hands 60 times a day...at the least and asking me if bats could be burrowing under her house so that they can sneak into her walls and terrorize her...Personally I spend the off time thinking of ways to horrify her, sometimes by dropping granola bars into the trash or m&ms onto the floors and eating them...dirt really doesn't scare me. As an ex-mechanic I've been worse places then the office floor ha ha.
I also think of ways to amuse myself by mortifying "Sir Pot Roast" an aging overweight Santa look-alike that fights as a knight at reniassance fairs and gallantly defends the Faux-Pregnant girl on such occassions when she neurotically asks me if I think it'd be okay if she took her kids to the pumpkin patch even though she's terrified she'll catch "Toxo-plasmosis" from the cow poo in the hay on the hay ride and kill her fake baby...I told her simply that humanity has lived in abject filth until recently and we're still around...where-upon Sir Pot Roast interjects "No! You have to consider all of the people who arn't around though..."...I reeeeeally couldn't help looking at him and saying firmly..."Survival of the Fittest".......
I can't help it... Sir Pot Roast likes lecturing me every day on "how the world REALLY is" while I mortify him with my candid "People need to pull their heads out of their asses (aka you **cough cough**)" remarks...it REALLY is the only way to survive and remain sane in there ha ha.
I DO like my boss though. He looks like Inigo Montoia from The Princess Bride and talks with an amusing monotone flair that makes the crazy people slightly more bearable. He even throws an "Inconsievable" in there from time to time that makes it hard for me to not to snort coffee up my nose.
Overall it's a good job, good money, close to home...but the psychos scare me some days. I'm afraid I may be fired soon if Monk pushes my buttons one too many times and I tell her that if she doesn't wear something besides the one and only outfit I've ever seen her in...I may "accidently" sneaze on her keyboard lol...Oh dear... I can see this ending badly.
So memo to self do NOT encourage the crazies, don't feed the monkeys and say away from the coffee creamer...
ZeeZee
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
ineedtocomeup:
welcome to SG!! Have fun!!
mattgarvin:
I usually try not feeding the crazies. That keeps them away for the most part.