Today I am going to tell a story I don't like to talk about it and only my close friends actually know it. There is an event in your life where everything that happens to you happened before this thing happened or after this thing happened. For some people its your first kiss for others its you first time in bed, some people remember their first love. I remember everything in relation to the time I died.
I remember the day like it was today like it is right now like its a movie playing in my head over and over showing me why I need to treat ever second like it could be my last treat each sunrise with respect and each breath like a gift. I was 13 years old it was the age that you could go to the local swimming pool by yourself you didn't need an adult to go with you. I rode my bike to the pool it was down hill all the way I had my towel over my shoulder the sun on my back and I was happy. This was the first time I went alone the first time I could do something that I didn't need my parent to give me permission. I was an adult so to speak I felt like i was growing up at least. down hill I coasted all the way to the pool I was flying I didn't need to pedal once. I locked my bike on the rack outside and waited in line to get in. I had a pass that let me swim all summer I showed the desk clerk my picture she waved me in. I went in to the locker room and found a place to keep my shoes and my beach towel I don't live near a beach but it was big and fluffy it was a beach towel. I walked outside and worked my way in the water was cold there were a lot of people the life guards were mostly men chatting up the girls in swim suits. When i finally got used to the water I decided to jump into the deep end I'd stay near the edge I didn't want to get in the way of the people swimming laps. I jumped in the I felt weightless like I was in space like i was in another world it was peaceful.
Then I felt a weight hit me on the head someone had jumped in on top of me I gasped and sucked in a lung of water. I panicked I was scared I couldn't breath and I couldn't swim up I was sinking and I felt afraid that I was going to die alone. Anyone who tells you that drowning is a peaceful way to die has never done it because it scared the shit out of me. Then it was black I didn't have trouble breathing anymore but I couldn't see anything ether there was no sound no light just me alone. I knew I felt it there was no question in my 13 year old brain I was dead. There was no seven stages of grief no anger no bargaining I didn't plead to live I just accepted it I was dead and this is what happens to me when I died I end up alone in the dark. I wasn't scared anymore I felt at peace with it like somehow it was OK and I felt like something should happen next there was more to come I just needed to get out of the darkness.
Then I herd someone yell at me "Are you OK can you hear me?" it was someone's Mom I didn't ever learn her name she saw what happened and pulled me out of the water. She gave me CPR she brought me back I saw the light come back next I was awake I chocked out water and I breathed deep the air it was the most wonderful thing I have ever tasted that smell and taste of chlorine and sweat words can not describe how it felt to be alive after that. I was taken to the hospitable the said I was dead for about 13 seconds it felt like hours. I can't go in the water anymore the only fear that wont go away is the fear of it wanting to finish the job. Water wanting to take what it once owned pull me back into the dark and hold me their. I am not afraid of anything else why the fear of death is the fear of the unknown and i know what i saw and felt.
One more week of school left before the summer. I think ill go on vacation probably California or Rome. Life is to short to not live every day like its your last. This is a true story this is the internet no one here knows who I am and no one knows what pool this was at take from it what you want but do one thing for me for telling you this thing about me. Today the day you looked at this the day you learned about how I died, do something that you are afraid to do don't let the fear rule you. You can die no one can live forever no matter how much we want to. Don't go into the darkness with regret do one small thing that you can say to yourself I did this and I do not regret it.
As always love and kisses.
I remember the day like it was today like it is right now like its a movie playing in my head over and over showing me why I need to treat ever second like it could be my last treat each sunrise with respect and each breath like a gift. I was 13 years old it was the age that you could go to the local swimming pool by yourself you didn't need an adult to go with you. I rode my bike to the pool it was down hill all the way I had my towel over my shoulder the sun on my back and I was happy. This was the first time I went alone the first time I could do something that I didn't need my parent to give me permission. I was an adult so to speak I felt like i was growing up at least. down hill I coasted all the way to the pool I was flying I didn't need to pedal once. I locked my bike on the rack outside and waited in line to get in. I had a pass that let me swim all summer I showed the desk clerk my picture she waved me in. I went in to the locker room and found a place to keep my shoes and my beach towel I don't live near a beach but it was big and fluffy it was a beach towel. I walked outside and worked my way in the water was cold there were a lot of people the life guards were mostly men chatting up the girls in swim suits. When i finally got used to the water I decided to jump into the deep end I'd stay near the edge I didn't want to get in the way of the people swimming laps. I jumped in the I felt weightless like I was in space like i was in another world it was peaceful.
Then I felt a weight hit me on the head someone had jumped in on top of me I gasped and sucked in a lung of water. I panicked I was scared I couldn't breath and I couldn't swim up I was sinking and I felt afraid that I was going to die alone. Anyone who tells you that drowning is a peaceful way to die has never done it because it scared the shit out of me. Then it was black I didn't have trouble breathing anymore but I couldn't see anything ether there was no sound no light just me alone. I knew I felt it there was no question in my 13 year old brain I was dead. There was no seven stages of grief no anger no bargaining I didn't plead to live I just accepted it I was dead and this is what happens to me when I died I end up alone in the dark. I wasn't scared anymore I felt at peace with it like somehow it was OK and I felt like something should happen next there was more to come I just needed to get out of the darkness.
Then I herd someone yell at me "Are you OK can you hear me?" it was someone's Mom I didn't ever learn her name she saw what happened and pulled me out of the water. She gave me CPR she brought me back I saw the light come back next I was awake I chocked out water and I breathed deep the air it was the most wonderful thing I have ever tasted that smell and taste of chlorine and sweat words can not describe how it felt to be alive after that. I was taken to the hospitable the said I was dead for about 13 seconds it felt like hours. I can't go in the water anymore the only fear that wont go away is the fear of it wanting to finish the job. Water wanting to take what it once owned pull me back into the dark and hold me their. I am not afraid of anything else why the fear of death is the fear of the unknown and i know what i saw and felt.
One more week of school left before the summer. I think ill go on vacation probably California or Rome. Life is to short to not live every day like its your last. This is a true story this is the internet no one here knows who I am and no one knows what pool this was at take from it what you want but do one thing for me for telling you this thing about me. Today the day you looked at this the day you learned about how I died, do something that you are afraid to do don't let the fear rule you. You can die no one can live forever no matter how much we want to. Don't go into the darkness with regret do one small thing that you can say to yourself I did this and I do not regret it.
As always love and kisses.
marlene:
thank you a lot my dear, you're fantastic.