I dreamed last night that I was a happy steel baron in New York. I was a fat man, and very well dressed. In the dream, I made a few important decisions, did some paperwork, fucked some flapper bitches, and drank champagne. It wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be, at least to my dreaming self. I hope in my next dream I am a conquistador, and I get to explore, fuck Aztec bitches, and trip peyote. I bet that'll be plenty fun.
Tony used to tease me about my weird imagination. He thought it very strange that I never wanted to be, like, a well dressed city socialite in my fantasy worlds. No, no. I want to be a free runner or a survivalist or some kind of crazy field researcher or a really gifted fencer. Recently I had an extended fantasy about being a bayou voodoo queen. That was a good one, I was taller and much more imposing and not so lily white. Sometimes I imagine myself as a repressed housewife who channels all her frustration into painful, kinky sex or sometimes I'm Amish in a cute bonnet and a modest dress.
Or, oh! When I'm angry: I imagine myself giant and unreasonable, stomping on people, tearing furniture in half. I love this fantasy because it tickles me pink, and all my little rage dissipates into silly amusement. And that's good, because mostly being angry is pretty hollow and it never gets me anywhere.
My favorite fantasy is probably the one where I'm a Zen master and I don't give a fuck about anything or anyone.
I guess the weirdest/best thing about fantasies is that I'm never really me and I'm never really anyone else which is pretty much just like real life.
Tony used to tease me about my weird imagination. He thought it very strange that I never wanted to be, like, a well dressed city socialite in my fantasy worlds. No, no. I want to be a free runner or a survivalist or some kind of crazy field researcher or a really gifted fencer. Recently I had an extended fantasy about being a bayou voodoo queen. That was a good one, I was taller and much more imposing and not so lily white. Sometimes I imagine myself as a repressed housewife who channels all her frustration into painful, kinky sex or sometimes I'm Amish in a cute bonnet and a modest dress.
Or, oh! When I'm angry: I imagine myself giant and unreasonable, stomping on people, tearing furniture in half. I love this fantasy because it tickles me pink, and all my little rage dissipates into silly amusement. And that's good, because mostly being angry is pretty hollow and it never gets me anywhere.
My favorite fantasy is probably the one where I'm a Zen master and I don't give a fuck about anything or anyone.
I guess the weirdest/best thing about fantasies is that I'm never really me and I'm never really anyone else which is pretty much just like real life.