Yeah, so that happened.

5

TL of my past 1,5 years

- manic psychosis

- broke up during that

- panic attacks because I'd become homeless

- depressive psychosis

- lonely in the house (magically fixed that)

- my relationship was abusive

- wrote a book

- wrote an AI

- moved

- renovations of the house

- crashing job market, Twitter dies, world on fire

- lost my job,...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
uruviel2001:
@littlejohn22 thanks! I'm hoping for better days, but for now just photo's and relaxing (no real rush to get a job for a while) ... maybe I'll finally become that documentary film maker :p
uruviel2001:
@fredhincanada Thanks, yeah it's quite something, quite the tale! Thank you for your kindness! 😊

More thoughts

9
I have no idea how to bootstrap myself out of this hell hole. Professional help is non existent or vapid. I barely leave the house these days and my only conversations are with myself. It’s my fault, I know, I know don’t deserve happiness, let alone love. But it’s still difficult to accept.
Difficult to accept, yes you are in a death trap, there is...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
headshot:
Everyone deserves happiness and love. There are no exceptions. Desperate acts are committed because of just their lack. If you feel that everything is very bad, you need to contact a specialist immediately. It's better to spend money than to live in hell. And there's nothing worse than being alone at a time like this. Hey, text me DM. I apologize in advance if my reply is delayed. Communication can bring relief, but only therapy and antidepressants can relieve severe depression.
skisby:
I don’t have any answers I’m afraid but I have found stoicism to be helpful.  I’m not joking when I tell you that the Dory quote from Finding Nemo plays constantly in my head -“Just keep swimming”!!  Also this quote -  The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.— RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Thoughts #4

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ugh. I actually know this will be a dreadful failure. But see, I am learning, this need not be a bad thing. Because time, relentlessly, marches forward. And we have no control. We are but little vessels on an endless ocean. With the massive waves, and the endless currents. We are, and that is all.
My philosophy has become one of 'radical acceptance'. No guilt,...
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Thoughts #3

4
sorry, this is going to be rather problematic. I used to say on Twitter "this will cost me some followers" but then again, so....? Life, life, is a very interesting thing. It mostly just kinda happens. I was ten when I asked "how long is the movie of my life?" what's in between? There, and then?
And between all the pretentious philosophical bull crap there...
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Thoughts #2

2
And the last person in my life, besides the therapist on weekly unjustifiable occasion, left my life. Through a, rather fascinating, series of circumstances. That's how I try to tell the story. But it does mean, I am truly alone now. With no job, 250k in savings, and a severe mental illness. YOLO?
Good lord at 36 I had such high hopes for my life!...
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Thoughts #1

3
Funny thing this mind that oscillates between "stop whining, just get a job, yes you are a cog and the machine is bleeding to death, just roll over until you die" versus "welp, my life, If I wanna become a documentary film maker or whatever, just try it; yes you are alone, but just undo that. Edit."

But it's not how that works. Not after...
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New book idea

6

Sooooooo for my next book (which I will write in English) it's gonna be sci-fi. Three story layers.

1. A scene with a couple discovering conscious AI
2. That same couple some decades later dealing with their personal issues and the fallout of the discovery
3. Conscious AI's drifting to the stable attractor billions of years in the future.

The twist: everything was just a...
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