So, update time, though I don't know where to start. The night that I posted my last blog, my husband and I got into it, really bad. He brought up leaving again, and I flipped, I turned into a person that I had never seen before. I was going to kill myself right in front of him. He took all the sharp objects in the house, put them in one room, and kept me in another room, physically restraining me from hurting myself. I've got the bruises to prove it. He was gone a few days for work, and when he came home, we were okay for about a day, then shit pretty much hit the fan again. Saturday night, he left me, for the last time. I'm done. He's putting me through hell with his indecisiveness, and I will try my best not to let it drag me down. I got my hair done on Thursday! Back to black. I have another appointment this week to put some red in it. Pretty excited about that and my new piercings. Left nostril and septum. Woo! I stopped cutting, but there is going to be some pretty bad scarring. I can already tell. Bleh. I went to my shrink again today. He put me on another medication to regulate my mood. That makes 3 a day for BPD now, but hopefully I will get more relief. I am so pissed off at life right now. Anyone who knows anything about BPD knows that letting someone in that far, and not running away from that person, and trusting them enough to MARRY them is a huge deal. He just left. Like the words "till death do us part" meant nothing at all. The whole thing just pisses me off so much. I wish my blogs were happier, but my life isn't full of a whole lot of happy right now. All I can do is deal the best I can and try to move on, but the one thing I have gathered from this experience is that men are douchebags and absolutely cannot be trusted.
throughnthrough:
you'll get through- even though it might not seem it sometimes...i hope you start feeling better soon, and that the meds help a bit...i've got some experience in this area so I can tell, it does get better eventually...just hang in there! i'm thinking of you!!
confusedattimes:
I hope too that you start feeling better. One BPD person to another It is tough and I know you are thinking things will never be good in life but there will always be good and also great times along with the bad. Many hugs for you.