I joined Suicide Girls early when the website first started. I still sort of like that original site design, I think. I tell myself that, but I don't really remember it that well and I do know that one thing I did not like were the photo sizes. I dropped the subscription a few times over the years either due to an expired CC or I just felt I wasn't involved enough with the site community. It made me feel more like a porn seeking, pervy stalker than a member of one the best websites I've ever joined. Then I decided it was irrelevant. Joining supports the site and so I've been back for a while.
What keeps me from interacting with other members is I feel too old and out of touch with other members. I am aware there are all ages here and age is just a number (to some). I am also keenly aware that while my physical age puts me 20 plus years older than most of the Suicide Girl models, mentally, I feel that gap would be closer to maybe 10 years. If that. I'm not up on trends for those in their 20s, but I still think and feel and behave more like someone in their 20s. So I thought I would share a blog...
This site has always, for me, been about unconventional beauty. The Suicide Girls were and are about showing the world that what it tries to tell us is beautiful is only one perspective. Beauty comes in many forms and over the years I've seen many forms of it here. Of course, not all of them were for me and early on I used to click that "not for me" button. I stopped a few years back, though, because why should I use it? This site is about beauty beyond expectations... or I've always thought of it as such. We don't see as many thicker girls as we used to, I think.
I have a signed copy of the big coffee table book that I got about 7 or 8 years ago. It's one that always starts a conversation. I still sometimes peruse it because I don't often see some of the originals (as I call them)... Radeo, Bully, Amina, Pistolita. I could list many others. The book and videos and website gave me more exposure to hot, beautiful, tattooed women of all body types and sizes. I mean... Amina is probably one of my all time favorites and if you don't know why I chose her to point out with regard to my last sentence, search her name. She's exquisite in every way despite what some may see as too different or lacking. Fuck those types of people.
Still, as much as I've enjoyed being a member and as much as I like to leave comments on sets that really catch my eye, admittedly my hormones, and sometimes even my heart, I still feel more like an outsider looking in. I have tats and although I have my average attributes, I have uncommon thinking, a very broad and eclectic taste in music and pop culture, and an appreciation for beauty in even the most average (by whomever's standards)... in most things, really. However, I often feel I don't fit anywhere. Maybe for that reason alone I should be more active with others here. Either way... I certainly appreciate everyone here and I like that I've yet to see troll type comments. It's nice to admire something or someone you find beautiful and not scroll down to the comments to find some asshole had to point out every flaw because he or she didn't get that those flaws are also what brought us an original beauty... something or someone unique in their imperfections and beautiful in their own perfect way. I should feel welcome here. Sometimes, even at my age, it's hard to ignore old insecurities. I'm thankful that either way, on this website, there isn't an arbitrary pressure to be more social. Maybe this can help me start that on my own terms.