i got a job yesterday at this place called cafe east.. down the street from the apartment... they're starting me out as a hostess because their menu is complicated and they have a ton of different wines.. its a strange asian-ish place... also... i finally got to put up some pictures... that made me happy... things are kinda ... i guess awkward here.... Mr. Pants beat the shit out of me.. we were wrestling.. and well... he got the upper hand... im starting to just now feel the bruising... it was fun though...every now and then we find a way to do that.. i didn't like him much yesterday though... we were wresting yesterday too.. and then we were laying on the floor talking... and i was looking at him.. and watching him talk... noting his features... the tiniest changes to his appearence... little changes in his voice... the stray hairs from his poor shaving habits... the added weight on him... how much more filled out his face is.. how he looks healthy finally.. after so many years off looking underweight... i started to cry... first time since i took kt from mom... i didnt want to cry... i dont want him to have to worry about me emotionaly... i dont want that kind of connection with him... im not ready for that... and im not anywhere near certain that things even have a remote chance of working out... i told him i was cring because i love him.... he rolled me into him.... said to let it all out... i told him no... he kept asking and i just felt so scared to say anything to him that i couldnt get anything to come out my mouth... i suppose i had some sort of panic attack... post tramatic stress syndrom or some shit from coming home and him being gone.... whatever it was.. he made me feel crazy the way he was reacting... and i suppose that should have been expected.... but like all day he was such a ... well no.. he was just cold to me... and i was seriously pissed because sunday night he said that he wanted to work things out... then he wakes up in the morning and flys out of bed.. throws on pants and runs out the apartment.... i didnt really think much of that... i had shit to do anyway.... so i jumped in the shower.. got dressed... gave him a call (he was at grandma's) told him to walk down here because i wanted to run something b him before i left... i asked him if we could meet up at the apartment at four and go to eat at this restraunt i like ... my treat... then head arcoss the lake so i could go visit.... oh damn.. well we're going out to eat.. so im gunna have to write later...
rellkin:
wow i have no idea of what to say to help you. love works in mysterious ways and there is much pain and sufring on the path of life try to enjoy the good moments. i hope things work out between you two.