> MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
> Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please
> select from the following options menu:
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line
> so we can trace your call.
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother
> Ship.
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You
> which number to press.
> If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
It doesn't matter which number you
> press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
> If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep
> or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to
> talk with you.
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down
> and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.
> This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your
> part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you
> care. I contacted you.
>
>
> Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please
> select from the following options menu:
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line
> so we can trace your call.
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother
> Ship.
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You
> which number to press.
> If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
It doesn't matter which number you
> press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
> If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep
> or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to
> talk with you.
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down
> and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.
> This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your
> part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you
> care. I contacted you.
>
>