Ok so the news settles in....to explain; My Mom has Hep. C, she did kemo all last year for the first time, couldn't work, was very sick very weak, and lost a lot of her hair, I saw a lot of sides of my Mom that I never thought I'd see.
Just to give you some insight into who is my Mother, she is so beautiful, she's not the most perfect mother, but she tries her hardest, she's always been there for me even when I didn't want her to be when all I wanted was to be left alone. She worked very hard, she's a bartender and has been her whole life. She's always understood me, and I always notice more and more everyday that I think just like my Mom does and it just makes me laugh so hard lol. I love her more than anything in this world and if she weren't around anymore, I don't know what I'd do, you'd more than likely have to put me in a padded room cause she is my rock, she is my sholder to cry on, she's always there for me no matter the problem, I love her so much. I'd give anything to be able to express the amount of love I have for her.
She was clear of her disease a few months ago well maybe more than a few more like, 5 months ago.....Well I was just told a week ago that she would have to go through all of that shit again, the kemo, the being sick all the time, her hair finally started growing back now that she's gonna be on it again she's gonna lose all her hair. I don't know what to do I'm so scared for her and it's always on my mind.......how would it be if she wasn't around I couldn't even imagine it cause everytime it comes in my head I quickly remind myself that she isn't gone yet, she's still here.....she's still with me.
Now, if the tests come back that she still has her disease (she's retesting just in case) I will have to quit my job, I will be taking care of her just how she took care of me all those times I was sick. I will have to make my brothers do their homework (they are such assholes they don't even care) I will be moving back home for her cause I love her so much I don't care what I have to do for her, I will do it. This is the woman who gave me life, gave me the strength to go on when I didn't want to anymore, this woman oh my god I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't around. I love my Mom so much, I wish I could take back every fight we ever had, every mean thing I said, I hope she knows I didn't mean it all those times I said I hated her cause I don't I love her so much.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining or bitching, but I just need this time to vent, I just need this time to bitch, complain, or worry about what's going to happen in the next few months....I mean after all, it's my blog isn't it?
Just to give you some insight into who is my Mother, she is so beautiful, she's not the most perfect mother, but she tries her hardest, she's always been there for me even when I didn't want her to be when all I wanted was to be left alone. She worked very hard, she's a bartender and has been her whole life. She's always understood me, and I always notice more and more everyday that I think just like my Mom does and it just makes me laugh so hard lol. I love her more than anything in this world and if she weren't around anymore, I don't know what I'd do, you'd more than likely have to put me in a padded room cause she is my rock, she is my sholder to cry on, she's always there for me no matter the problem, I love her so much. I'd give anything to be able to express the amount of love I have for her.
She was clear of her disease a few months ago well maybe more than a few more like, 5 months ago.....Well I was just told a week ago that she would have to go through all of that shit again, the kemo, the being sick all the time, her hair finally started growing back now that she's gonna be on it again she's gonna lose all her hair. I don't know what to do I'm so scared for her and it's always on my mind.......how would it be if she wasn't around I couldn't even imagine it cause everytime it comes in my head I quickly remind myself that she isn't gone yet, she's still here.....she's still with me.
Now, if the tests come back that she still has her disease (she's retesting just in case) I will have to quit my job, I will be taking care of her just how she took care of me all those times I was sick. I will have to make my brothers do their homework (they are such assholes they don't even care) I will be moving back home for her cause I love her so much I don't care what I have to do for her, I will do it. This is the woman who gave me life, gave me the strength to go on when I didn't want to anymore, this woman oh my god I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't around. I love my Mom so much, I wish I could take back every fight we ever had, every mean thing I said, I hope she knows I didn't mean it all those times I said I hated her cause I don't I love her so much.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining or bitching, but I just need this time to vent, I just need this time to bitch, complain, or worry about what's going to happen in the next few months....I mean after all, it's my blog isn't it?
wanabpunkdrumr:
dude, i am so sorry. . . . . venting is always good though, and i wouldnt worry about complaining, because im pretty sure you are justified to do so, i don't even know what i would do in that position, it must be ridiculously hard to deal with. . . . . hope all works out well, hang in there!
astraltraveller:
Sorry to hear about your Mum. My Mum was quite ill a few years ago and she had to rest so much as she had no energy. I suppose I dealt with it by not allowing myself to think about it too much, which isn't easy to do!