I like to think im a strong person....
when i was bullied at scool i turned up early and worked hard to show them i was better than them.
when my mother told me i was a nothing, i smirked. when she spat in my face i didnt flinch. when she told me that i was too fat to ever be loved i told myself she was just cruel. I forgive her, and remember she loves me as much as she can.for an alcoholic thats not much.
when he raped me. when he kicked me because my virgin blood was on his shirt. when he laughed at me every day in our student union with his friends.....i went to the gym...i trained until i knew i was stronger than him. he would never laugh again.
When my father hurt me by saying his new family was better than ours. when he punched me in the face because i said that new child is not my sister...family isnt blood, its love. I simply put up a wall and knew he was no longer to be trusted. I could have used my fighting skills and hurt him, but i dont believe in that.
When my grandma died...she took all the love in the world away with her....when i want to end it all....i wake up every morning missing her. I take solice in the fact I ALWAYS showed her love and respect as she did me. I speak to her still and take comfort from the love i feel still for her.
When my best friend betrayed me and left me without any friends....i packed my bags and moved in on my own and started again.
But when a relationship ends, i turn weak. I feel bereft...all consumed by loneliness. unlovable and unable to move on. Its like i dont have the strength, its the only time i cant be cold or strong. I feel insane verging on schizophrenic, with attacks of anxiety which are all consuming. its like i am falling and i dont know how to stop myself...or if i care enough to try.
when i was bullied at scool i turned up early and worked hard to show them i was better than them.
when my mother told me i was a nothing, i smirked. when she spat in my face i didnt flinch. when she told me that i was too fat to ever be loved i told myself she was just cruel. I forgive her, and remember she loves me as much as she can.for an alcoholic thats not much.
when he raped me. when he kicked me because my virgin blood was on his shirt. when he laughed at me every day in our student union with his friends.....i went to the gym...i trained until i knew i was stronger than him. he would never laugh again.
When my father hurt me by saying his new family was better than ours. when he punched me in the face because i said that new child is not my sister...family isnt blood, its love. I simply put up a wall and knew he was no longer to be trusted. I could have used my fighting skills and hurt him, but i dont believe in that.
When my grandma died...she took all the love in the world away with her....when i want to end it all....i wake up every morning missing her. I take solice in the fact I ALWAYS showed her love and respect as she did me. I speak to her still and take comfort from the love i feel still for her.
When my best friend betrayed me and left me without any friends....i packed my bags and moved in on my own and started again.
But when a relationship ends, i turn weak. I feel bereft...all consumed by loneliness. unlovable and unable to move on. Its like i dont have the strength, its the only time i cant be cold or strong. I feel insane verging on schizophrenic, with attacks of anxiety which are all consuming. its like i am falling and i dont know how to stop myself...or if i care enough to try.
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And sometimes we just need a person to ask the right question. Instead of saying, "Oh that's horrible" or "I'm sorry to hear that", they need to be asking us "So, what are you going to do about it?".
Someone who is caring, understanding, and does NOT wear steel-toes boots. Cuz those freakin hurt when you get booted in the ass.