ok so this is my second deployment to Iraq. my first time i was up north in Mosul for 16months. and it was all glory, crackin fucking skulls, long missions, firefights, and bringing down hard mutha fuckas.. then i come to Iraq this time expecting the same. training my guys long hard hours prepparing them for war getting my gear together to be able to maintain me and my men for days on end with out supplies.. but now i am here this time and its nothing... no missions... no gun fire... no bad guys... just waiting.... just boredom... the hardest thing i have to do here is go to the porter pottie when its 30 degrees cold.. lol.. i feel unused, over qualified, misunderstood and feel my deep warrior drive being drained slowly.. i love the fucking infantry, i love the poetry of the battle.. i love the smell of gunpowder from the explosions of personal weapons all set on destroying the enemy of their people,
i love the auto pilot the body goes into from the shock of hunger, sleep deprivation, anxiety from the post traumatic stress of seeing bodies and severed limbs. you fall asleep in the back of the truck and fall completly.. deep dreams and deep sleep. and normally it would take a punch to the face to wake you from this sleep but just the slowing down of the truck and the light braking of the convoy wakes you and there is no time to stretch, sit around and gather your thoughts.. its just you go from complete sleep to complete awareness in a milasecond..
then its straight out to the street, a constant state of paranoid awareness, constantly scanning, its impossible to tell you what we are looking for cause we dont even know, we rely on our training our gut our savage instincts to lead us.. to direct us.. its not fear that grips us, just a heightened sense of things.. there are things i miss and crave from war.. the smell of explosions, the sight of destruction, the feel of the metal weapon against my body, no matter how long i live i will never forget it. and the taste of my own sweat, and the burning in my muscles from malnutrion and sleep dep.........Savage isnt hardcore or gangster... oh no... Savage is a basic animal instinct that the human possess.. you slip into it in times of extreme adrenaline.. some call it your will to survive, your gut, your drive.. but it brings u back to your three basic, savage needs to eat, kill, and mate... sometimes after you have slipped into this savage state so much u find out how to turn it on and off whenever u please... you find out how to live in it.. a Savage life
i love the auto pilot the body goes into from the shock of hunger, sleep deprivation, anxiety from the post traumatic stress of seeing bodies and severed limbs. you fall asleep in the back of the truck and fall completly.. deep dreams and deep sleep. and normally it would take a punch to the face to wake you from this sleep but just the slowing down of the truck and the light braking of the convoy wakes you and there is no time to stretch, sit around and gather your thoughts.. its just you go from complete sleep to complete awareness in a milasecond..
then its straight out to the street, a constant state of paranoid awareness, constantly scanning, its impossible to tell you what we are looking for cause we dont even know, we rely on our training our gut our savage instincts to lead us.. to direct us.. its not fear that grips us, just a heightened sense of things.. there are things i miss and crave from war.. the smell of explosions, the sight of destruction, the feel of the metal weapon against my body, no matter how long i live i will never forget it. and the taste of my own sweat, and the burning in my muscles from malnutrion and sleep dep.........Savage isnt hardcore or gangster... oh no... Savage is a basic animal instinct that the human possess.. you slip into it in times of extreme adrenaline.. some call it your will to survive, your gut, your drive.. but it brings u back to your three basic, savage needs to eat, kill, and mate... sometimes after you have slipped into this savage state so much u find out how to turn it on and off whenever u please... you find out how to live in it.. a Savage life
Thank you for writing it. You're writing about something I could never ever understand in this life.
What you go through, brings out a maturity and an understanding in men i believe, that others will never know. There are men twice your age who will never understand or have been through what you've been through.
Nothing but respect, and I thank you for protecting us.