I guess there is only so much talking that can be done before the inevitable, awkward silence quickly envelopes us. That weird stare on everyone's faces as they all realize the moment that "curtain" of awkward silence has enveloped us all and there's no going back. No way to remove that intense and bizarre moment that everyone just clams up at the same time. The next one to speak, their head will explode type mentality. I wish we didn't have to endure those types of moments as humans. Whether it's two people or more, it usually happens. I'm not a fan of sitting by idly in mental anguish because no one wants to interact. It makes me want to stick my head in an oven or jump out of a window to my death. I'm not being glib about suicide either. I genuinely hate those awkward moments. Not just the silence thing but all awkward moments. Why can't people just be themselves? Because that would require taking the masks off that we've all so meticulously crafted for all the world to see. I'm this person and you're that person and we all play the parts our masks dictate whether it's the "clown" or the "fragile ego" person and every other societal role in between the two mentioned. Are there no ways to opt out of this charade that people play every damn day with one another?? I believe I do my level headed best to opt out but once in a while, there's that mask that I thought I ditched a long time ago suddenly firmly affixed to my real face for a moment here and there. It's infuriating. I try to be who I am offline in my online life too but I realize that in the digital world, no one is ever what they seem right? They put their "best foot forward" in the sense of this is who they want the world to see. Not the every day struggles, hardships, pain and cruelty that occurs. Not the funny, joyous or battles won. No, just here's what I had for dinner and I posted it to the Gram! Fucking bizarre that we change that much with a keyboard/pad in front of us and that we cannot seem to be our real selves. Not everyone, but most of society is living this way yes? One real and not so great life and one seemingly magical life online. Digital has massive potential to lie. Hell, everything I just said could be a lie. How would any of you know unless you knew me right? Right. So I don't know. Maybe giving people the benefit of the doubt is bullshit however, due process is a good way to go with the "innocent until proven guilty" mantra I suppose. I've lived a good chunk of life already. I would say in my assessment, that I'm aware of about eighty to ninety percent of who I am and what I'm capable of and what I'm not. Can you say the same? I hope so but some of you have so much more life to live. You're not guaranteed anything in this world I know, and someone could argue "Well dude, some of these younger people could die long before you do" and shit like that and, it is true. However, in the scheme of things simple, I'd like to think that most people younger than me will live longer as logic dictates. It's not etched in stone that they will, but it's not etched in stone that they won't either. Schrodinger's Cat and all that in a way. Until I look in the box, I don't know if the cat is alive or dead and of course the exercise would dictate that the feline is in "superposition" and both alive and dead until the time that box is opened to see which result had occurred. So since people's timelines and how long they live is purely random, are our timelines just boxes waiting to be opened to see the end result? If so, who's looking in the boxes? I'm rambling. I haven't even put this into proper paragraphs or anything. It doesn't matter really because this isn't something that matters in the grand scheme of the world and its continued survival or existence. I'm one minute grain of sand as are the rest of everyone on the planet just waiting to end up in the bottom part of the hourglass. I suppose it's fitting that people are awkward. People do awkward shit. However, you think people would be less and less surprised the older they get. Hell, I've seen a lot of fucking downright awkward shit and beyond. I don't think I've batted an eyelash at most of it really. Some, sure. Some of the things I've seen on the streets of my city or in the homes of people I know or am just an acquaintance of have been so fucking horrifying, I'll never forget them. But only the thing that happened. Never the people. I mean, how they looked, who were they (unless they were family or very close friends obviously), why were they in that place that this atrocity happened. None of that. I only mostly recall the incident and vaguely the people involved. Is that weird? That I go through life erasing the tape so to speak? Not erasing it I guess but, editing it? Removing the extraneous parts and only keeping the vital information or at least, vital to my mind for some reason? I'm vexed by this idea of awkward moments, vile moments and the passage of time. Is it past or future? That's what Garmonbozia would ask of D. Cooper anyways. I don't know. It's like we are here but we're not really here. There is no present except for the second that happens then the next once it happens. Anything else has become the past or the future waiting to happen in another blink of the eye. Fuck, I'm really rambling about a lot of different but connected things. The masks I was talking about? We all know that turn of phrase and what it means to wear a mask of normalcy. I think those masks are a fucking curse and that's why I swore off wearing mine a long time ago. I think I swore off the "mask" in high school and never went back to full time use of my mask. Besides, the person under the mask is usually way more interesting anyway, for better or worse. It's all relative I suppose. But more people should ditch the masks. Fuck what society thinks is "normal" or "appropriate" anymore. I am happy to be able to be myself, others should too. As for the awkward moments, we'll keep having to endure those as I don't see any long term solution to that dilemma but a guy can dream right? Rene' Descartes you bastard you.
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silentobjectorx:
@chroi I agree that awkward silence sucks. I will always be real with everyone here, as I am in real life as well. I don't pull punches, I throw them. Speaking honesty in throwing "punches" is what I meant. But yeah, I don't have time or patience to be fake.
chroi:
that's why you rock :)