i've done a lot of thinking today, i have to much time on my hands to think, its getting to me, to much thinking will eventually drive me crazy, anyway to the point.
I really miss Wilmington, I miss my friends, I miss my life, I miss having something to do, but i've come to the conclusion, that more than anything, i miss drugs.
I feel like I'm only 18 years old, and I will never ever escape this lifestyle, I've seen friends die because of it, go to jail, get completely fucked, ruin there lives, and whatever else. Does this sound appealing to you, me either, but for some reason i can't figure out why I love it all so much. Its the only thing im educated about, its the only thing i feel REALLY comfortable talking to a group about, its the only thing I've dedicated the last 4 years of my life to and i feel like i want to change, but its the only thing i know. its not normal to be subject to all these feelings at 18, i mean when i look back and think about the past couple years, iv drugs at 16 years old? was i fucking crazy? no just depressed and angry and it was there...and maybe with a little crazy wrapped up somewhere in the middle.
I've been clean for 2 months, but I honestly haven't gone a day without thinking about heroin, how i feel when im on it, trying to feel like im on it. to no avail of course.
sry for the bad grammar and run-on sentences. i hate putting rants in my journal but i feel the need to sometimes, i have noone to talk to in this godforsaken town except for my fucking keyboard.
I really miss Wilmington, I miss my friends, I miss my life, I miss having something to do, but i've come to the conclusion, that more than anything, i miss drugs.
I feel like I'm only 18 years old, and I will never ever escape this lifestyle, I've seen friends die because of it, go to jail, get completely fucked, ruin there lives, and whatever else. Does this sound appealing to you, me either, but for some reason i can't figure out why I love it all so much. Its the only thing im educated about, its the only thing i feel REALLY comfortable talking to a group about, its the only thing I've dedicated the last 4 years of my life to and i feel like i want to change, but its the only thing i know. its not normal to be subject to all these feelings at 18, i mean when i look back and think about the past couple years, iv drugs at 16 years old? was i fucking crazy? no just depressed and angry and it was there...and maybe with a little crazy wrapped up somewhere in the middle.
I've been clean for 2 months, but I honestly haven't gone a day without thinking about heroin, how i feel when im on it, trying to feel like im on it. to no avail of course.
sry for the bad grammar and run-on sentences. i hate putting rants in my journal but i feel the need to sometimes, i have noone to talk to in this godforsaken town except for my fucking keyboard.
I hope you can find something in this "godforsaken town" (yeah it is sometimes) that is more worthy of your passion.