That sunken feeling
Have you ever lost someone or something dear too you? You know that sunken feeling in you chest, your body. Think about it. It feels as if your soul has been torn out, and the hollow husk of your body that's left over is ready to just colllapse into itself. Every time you think of it, every time the tears come the sinking feeling becomes stronger, as is someone is pulling on your heart.
I had a vivid dream the other night, in which someone dear to me died. I felt this feeling, it was so real, I cried upon waking- it just wouldn't go away. I was afraid this person may have died for real. But no, not quite. Not in the physical sense anyway. No, just dead to me. For as long as I live, I will never be able to revive what I once had with this person.
He's gone, though he may be there physically, he couldn't care less about me now.
My family is dead. Never to return.
I understand why my dad loves her more, as sick as it is. And I've realized that I shouln't hate her anymore, even has hurt me and the people around me numerous times. It's not reallly her fault, she's not trying to be a bad person; she's just stupid. It's like hating a retarded child, they don't understand. And neither does she. Honestly, I pity her. I've experienced some beautiful things in my short years, because I got off the couch and went looking for them. Rather than drown myself in booze and meth, I got fun jobs, met beautiful people, and now love school. She has put herself in a pathetic position, and I feel bad for her.
It's not her fault she's stupid. Why spend my time hating someone, when I know I am already so far ahead. It's sad, it's like an businessman hating a homeless person for begging. Why? At least you have a home to go to. And at least I have a future.
It's sad. At this point, I just wish I could help such a pathetic creature.
And my sister....well, she's in her own world.
Have you ever lost someone or something dear too you? You know that sunken feeling in you chest, your body. Think about it. It feels as if your soul has been torn out, and the hollow husk of your body that's left over is ready to just colllapse into itself. Every time you think of it, every time the tears come the sinking feeling becomes stronger, as is someone is pulling on your heart.
I had a vivid dream the other night, in which someone dear to me died. I felt this feeling, it was so real, I cried upon waking- it just wouldn't go away. I was afraid this person may have died for real. But no, not quite. Not in the physical sense anyway. No, just dead to me. For as long as I live, I will never be able to revive what I once had with this person.
He's gone, though he may be there physically, he couldn't care less about me now.
My family is dead. Never to return.
I understand why my dad loves her more, as sick as it is. And I've realized that I shouln't hate her anymore, even has hurt me and the people around me numerous times. It's not reallly her fault, she's not trying to be a bad person; she's just stupid. It's like hating a retarded child, they don't understand. And neither does she. Honestly, I pity her. I've experienced some beautiful things in my short years, because I got off the couch and went looking for them. Rather than drown myself in booze and meth, I got fun jobs, met beautiful people, and now love school. She has put herself in a pathetic position, and I feel bad for her.
It's not her fault she's stupid. Why spend my time hating someone, when I know I am already so far ahead. It's sad, it's like an businessman hating a homeless person for begging. Why? At least you have a home to go to. And at least I have a future.
It's sad. At this point, I just wish I could help such a pathetic creature.
And my sister....well, she's in her own world.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
It's heartbreaking. I'm sorry you have to deal with this from the people who should love you unconditionally.