I want control, I need it and yet my life seems to be spiraling out of it. I have always been a firm believer that we can control most things in our lives...I am finding this to be an unsettling falsification on my part. Why have I been so blind to this reality recently..no one really has control over anything, you may think you do, but you are just kidding yourself. We make choices, hundreds of them daily, from what to eat or wear, what to do that day, how you feel about someone...but really all of those choices are based on what the world around you has chosen for you. It only gives you so many options, sure you can walk around in pajamas in the middle of the afternoon and give a shit less how people see you, but if you walk around naked then you go to jail, you can love someone but if they don't love you back your choices are limited to being miserable or moving on to something that might not be as full filling...that's not much of a "free choice" to me... I only have as much control as society and the world around me allows, the frustrating part is that this is not news to me, I am consciously aware of this fact, however living in my own little world I have lost sight of HOW I make my choices. I need to make more of an effort to see what my choices are in a particular situation, but in addition see who is leaving me with those choices before I make a decision....
All of this mind you is meaningless gobble-de-goup being as though life is hectic and a very large percentage of the time, you make a choice in a split second and the next thing you realize your in a position in life that does not pose a favorable outcome for you or those that matter to you...
How do you slow down enough to know when a choice is a good one or a bad one...how do you find time to pause and know this choices that I have been given will have a positive or negative outcome, and how large is that price...you pick the winning lottery numbers...you have made a wise choice or call it luck, either way it seems positive and favorable to you...then you have to choose how to spend it. If you think you are choosing wisely to give it to every friend and family member you know, you will be out of money and your good situation is now bad....if you dont give a dime away and save it all...then those family and friends resent you and you have no one...not that anyone needs people like that in their lives, but if you have that kind of money...you are pretty much guaranteed to only have "those kinds" of people around, then your either alone or surrounded by people who only care because you have money. no matter what, it seems like a loss, like it was a bad choice to even play the lottery to begin with...thats how I see life, one big lottery, only the numbers you get to choose happen all of the time in everything you do, but do we ever truly win?
All of this mind you is meaningless gobble-de-goup being as though life is hectic and a very large percentage of the time, you make a choice in a split second and the next thing you realize your in a position in life that does not pose a favorable outcome for you or those that matter to you...
How do you slow down enough to know when a choice is a good one or a bad one...how do you find time to pause and know this choices that I have been given will have a positive or negative outcome, and how large is that price...you pick the winning lottery numbers...you have made a wise choice or call it luck, either way it seems positive and favorable to you...then you have to choose how to spend it. If you think you are choosing wisely to give it to every friend and family member you know, you will be out of money and your good situation is now bad....if you dont give a dime away and save it all...then those family and friends resent you and you have no one...not that anyone needs people like that in their lives, but if you have that kind of money...you are pretty much guaranteed to only have "those kinds" of people around, then your either alone or surrounded by people who only care because you have money. no matter what, it seems like a loss, like it was a bad choice to even play the lottery to begin with...thats how I see life, one big lottery, only the numbers you get to choose happen all of the time in everything you do, but do we ever truly win?