Okay, I have some new philosophies. I shall not force all of them on you in one day but over a period of time.
Today, I am going to talk about shopping. Yes, shopping. The wonderous act that all of us must partake in. It starts off all innocent like, we are just going out to get groceries. A simple task that should not cause any stress to us, well at least I think that. Unfortunately, I happen to find this a very stressful routine. It slowly starts with act of parking. All in the name of finding the right spot we circle the parking lot multiple timesjust to get that spot that might spot closer to the door. It is like watching sharks swim around it's prey. Heaven forbid that someone sits in their car for a minute to talk on the cell, or do something else like their make-up. A car shark will always pull up next to your car, expecting you to get out of THEIR spot, little do they know that already did your sharking for that spot and you are not going to give it up to anyone. They then get an all indigent look in their face as if you offended them and off they go to find another spot in the lot, usually in the firelane or up on the grassor even in a spot that does not exist (hell they must own the lot if they have an SUV like they do). You would hope that this will be your last run in with the parking sharkunfortunately, they will appear again in your life very shortly. So you slowly get of the car and meander your way into the store and set out on the journey of finding the food you need. You can have a list (which no one ever truly follows). Now, I personally, am a handbasket type of shopper. I figure if I can't get it into the basket I don't need it, and trust meI can stack so much crap in one little basket.
Now here comes my main issue with shoppingthe shopping cart people, I swear these are the same people that were fighting you outside for the perfect spot, and now they are driving their shopping carts like the SUVs that they own. Somehow, the store has become their road, they park the carts wherever they want. Cheese might have been on your list to get, but with the three carts that are parked there, well you can kiss that item good-bye. What I find the funniest is.where the hell did they go that they needed to park their carts? I can never seem to find the owners of these carts. They just seem to park and runoff. Taking a look in their cartsyou find these are the progressive people they buy "organic" food. Oh, how healthy.Let me explain something to you, if it grew from another animal or from the ground it is organicputting organic on a bag of celery is nothing more than a way to charge three dollars more for the same crap I get for ninety-nine cents. You want organic? There are lots of rocks outside go lick one, because that is the only organic crap out there. If anyone can remember Mendelthey would know that humanity fucked up the "organic" thing a long time ago. So, now I go on my way and keep getting my groceries, well at least the ones that are not blocked by the shopping cart people.
Then along the way, something hits our eyes.SALE. sDoesn't really matter what it is sometimeswe will just buy it, all in case we ever need it. We especially seen to get intrigued by a sale if it has a limit. Limit of six per family, better buy all six before my mother comes here and finds the sale. How the store would ever know who my mother is I will never get, but I still must block her and buy my maximum six. So now I saved eight cents on a gallon of ketchup, but ha ha mom, I beat you to saving that eight cents. So, six times eight a total savings of forty-eight cents. I have saved enough money now to buy half a pack of gum. I now also have enough ketchup to keep a McDonald's in business for a week.
After finishing getting the stuff that was supposed to be on our list we go to the line with twelve items or less. We count the itemsheaven forbid we are one over, twelve exactlyperfect, we place them down. Then the impulse items at the cashier catches our eye, Magazines, candy and gum. We did save that forty-eight cents for gum didn't we? So we grab itand we pray that the people behind us are not counting our items now.why do they even put those items thereit messes up the system.
So, the cashier is all set to ring us through right? Wrongthe guy in front of us -the one who was driving that same SUV outside is now in front of us, and he is getting price checks on everything he had. Even though it is only four items totalling seventeen dollars before the price checkshe still forces the cashier to get a price check. Finewe are next in line, and now there are three other people behind us, we can't leave the linewe must keep going. We leave and we have to enter the bigger lines because the gum pushed over the dozen item limit. It's okay where we are because we only entered the line with the limit, and really it is the store's fault for putting the gum within our reach here. So we wait it out. The cashier finally gets the guy to accept his bill.and he stands there reading it, and re-reading it. The cashier (poor girl) tries not to look at him and rings us though, we pay. We even bag our stuff, and start to make the way out, all the while hearing the guy question the girl on why the bill is so long, even though there was price checks forced by him on it. Whewwe made it out and the SUV guy is still in there.
We make our way back to the car, put all the groceries in the trunk and start to make our way for the nearest exitonly to be blocked by the SUV guy. He is walking the pace of a ninety year old with a broken hip , still reading his billoblivious to the world pushing his shopping cart back to his SUVwhich happens to be parked on the grass right by the exit, so now he is blocking our way out of the lot with the ass end of his vehicle and his cart. Finally, he moves the cart away.freedom!!!! we make our way out of the lot making our way back home.thinking of all the wonderful dishes we are going to make with the ketchup that we purchased, though we remember that we forgot to get the cheese because someone blocked our way to damn aisle.
Well, as we are driving home, the guy in SUV whizzes by us all the while talking on the phone. A few blocks later we see his SUV wrapped around a pole, ouchI wonder if he is okay. I get out and try to find out where he is. I don't see him anywhere. Strange. I do happen to find a block of cheese that seems to have fallen from his vehicle though. I grab it and run back to the car.
I guess I can now make some of those recipes that did require that cheese.
Today, I am going to talk about shopping. Yes, shopping. The wonderous act that all of us must partake in. It starts off all innocent like, we are just going out to get groceries. A simple task that should not cause any stress to us, well at least I think that. Unfortunately, I happen to find this a very stressful routine. It slowly starts with act of parking. All in the name of finding the right spot we circle the parking lot multiple timesjust to get that spot that might spot closer to the door. It is like watching sharks swim around it's prey. Heaven forbid that someone sits in their car for a minute to talk on the cell, or do something else like their make-up. A car shark will always pull up next to your car, expecting you to get out of THEIR spot, little do they know that already did your sharking for that spot and you are not going to give it up to anyone. They then get an all indigent look in their face as if you offended them and off they go to find another spot in the lot, usually in the firelane or up on the grassor even in a spot that does not exist (hell they must own the lot if they have an SUV like they do). You would hope that this will be your last run in with the parking sharkunfortunately, they will appear again in your life very shortly. So you slowly get of the car and meander your way into the store and set out on the journey of finding the food you need. You can have a list (which no one ever truly follows). Now, I personally, am a handbasket type of shopper. I figure if I can't get it into the basket I don't need it, and trust meI can stack so much crap in one little basket.
Now here comes my main issue with shoppingthe shopping cart people, I swear these are the same people that were fighting you outside for the perfect spot, and now they are driving their shopping carts like the SUVs that they own. Somehow, the store has become their road, they park the carts wherever they want. Cheese might have been on your list to get, but with the three carts that are parked there, well you can kiss that item good-bye. What I find the funniest is.where the hell did they go that they needed to park their carts? I can never seem to find the owners of these carts. They just seem to park and runoff. Taking a look in their cartsyou find these are the progressive people they buy "organic" food. Oh, how healthy.Let me explain something to you, if it grew from another animal or from the ground it is organicputting organic on a bag of celery is nothing more than a way to charge three dollars more for the same crap I get for ninety-nine cents. You want organic? There are lots of rocks outside go lick one, because that is the only organic crap out there. If anyone can remember Mendelthey would know that humanity fucked up the "organic" thing a long time ago. So, now I go on my way and keep getting my groceries, well at least the ones that are not blocked by the shopping cart people.
Then along the way, something hits our eyes.SALE. sDoesn't really matter what it is sometimeswe will just buy it, all in case we ever need it. We especially seen to get intrigued by a sale if it has a limit. Limit of six per family, better buy all six before my mother comes here and finds the sale. How the store would ever know who my mother is I will never get, but I still must block her and buy my maximum six. So now I saved eight cents on a gallon of ketchup, but ha ha mom, I beat you to saving that eight cents. So, six times eight a total savings of forty-eight cents. I have saved enough money now to buy half a pack of gum. I now also have enough ketchup to keep a McDonald's in business for a week.
After finishing getting the stuff that was supposed to be on our list we go to the line with twelve items or less. We count the itemsheaven forbid we are one over, twelve exactlyperfect, we place them down. Then the impulse items at the cashier catches our eye, Magazines, candy and gum. We did save that forty-eight cents for gum didn't we? So we grab itand we pray that the people behind us are not counting our items now.why do they even put those items thereit messes up the system.
So, the cashier is all set to ring us through right? Wrongthe guy in front of us -the one who was driving that same SUV outside is now in front of us, and he is getting price checks on everything he had. Even though it is only four items totalling seventeen dollars before the price checkshe still forces the cashier to get a price check. Finewe are next in line, and now there are three other people behind us, we can't leave the linewe must keep going. We leave and we have to enter the bigger lines because the gum pushed over the dozen item limit. It's okay where we are because we only entered the line with the limit, and really it is the store's fault for putting the gum within our reach here. So we wait it out. The cashier finally gets the guy to accept his bill.and he stands there reading it, and re-reading it. The cashier (poor girl) tries not to look at him and rings us though, we pay. We even bag our stuff, and start to make the way out, all the while hearing the guy question the girl on why the bill is so long, even though there was price checks forced by him on it. Whewwe made it out and the SUV guy is still in there.
We make our way back to the car, put all the groceries in the trunk and start to make our way for the nearest exitonly to be blocked by the SUV guy. He is walking the pace of a ninety year old with a broken hip , still reading his billoblivious to the world pushing his shopping cart back to his SUVwhich happens to be parked on the grass right by the exit, so now he is blocking our way out of the lot with the ass end of his vehicle and his cart. Finally, he moves the cart away.freedom!!!! we make our way out of the lot making our way back home.thinking of all the wonderful dishes we are going to make with the ketchup that we purchased, though we remember that we forgot to get the cheese because someone blocked our way to damn aisle.
Well, as we are driving home, the guy in SUV whizzes by us all the while talking on the phone. A few blocks later we see his SUV wrapped around a pole, ouchI wonder if he is okay. I get out and try to find out where he is. I don't see him anywhere. Strange. I do happen to find a block of cheese that seems to have fallen from his vehicle though. I grab it and run back to the car.
I guess I can now make some of those recipes that did require that cheese.