I am struggling to focus on anything so I am focusing on this screen in front of me. Why here? Why now? I feel my moods shift like the season has over the past couple weeks and the fear is overwhelming. If knowledge is power then why do I feel so weak when I see the darkness ahead of me. For years I didn't know I was bipolar and now that I do it's a lingering shadow waiting to trip me up any chance it gets. I silently hate everything I loved, and want to destroy everything I worked hard to build. How am I ever going to help others with their mental health when I feel powerless over my own.