to joel,
becuase i know you'll never read this.
I've loved you since the moment we met. I've given you unconditional love and support through everything you did, every dicision you made, especially through your divorce with you horrid ex wife. I've put up with a lot of shit. Unfortunately from you. and i feel you've taken me for granted. I came so close to leaving you and the reason i didnt is because we'd been through so much together that i felt it would be selfish of me to not fight for what we had. I thought to myself, " maybe i can make him fall in love with me again." and apparently i did. but sometime you make me feel so unimportant to you. Im so sick of feeling like I'M the other woman. When I'M the one who had put up with shit and been there for you and loved you so much for over a year! I know it bothers you that i havent forgiven you for the Criagslist whores, but i have my reasons. you should know that. your cunt of an ex wife treated you like shit and yet you did the shit to me that you did. Can you understand how much that hurts? Do you have any idea? I know you ment what you told me at the airport the day i was leaving north carolina. And i want to believe you so bad. I want to believe that you never ment to hurt me and you'll never do it again, but you have to understand why i have so many reasons to not. I love you more than anything in my fucking life, i never knew i could love ANYONE the way i love you. Every night i pray that i get to spend the rest of my life with you. No one else. I've never thought that about anyone. not even brandon. I cant express to you how much you mean to me and how far i'd go for you. but sometimes you make me feel so small in unimportant. I know your on a crusade to find yourself.. but i still need to know that you need me. that what you told me in that message and at the airport is true. you have a lot of proving to do and i'm waiting. you promised me you'd be honest with me and you havent... you promise me three very important things before you left and you've broken every single one of them. but i understand the stress of being apart. it's not what you say that i doubt, it's your commitment and fidelity. god dammit joel. i love you so much. please dont be lying to me. i'm not gonna put up with it anymore. I cant for the sake of myself. Your all i think aboiut and i talk about and i'd give up everything just to be with you. If i could have one job in the world it would be to find a way to make you smile every day. if you love someone, you love everything about them. The good AND the bad. Please love me back. My armor is almost gone. I just want to be yours forever. I'm sorry i cant tell you this in person, but i fear your judgement more then anyone elses. it hurts so much more.
becuase i know you'll never read this.
I've loved you since the moment we met. I've given you unconditional love and support through everything you did, every dicision you made, especially through your divorce with you horrid ex wife. I've put up with a lot of shit. Unfortunately from you. and i feel you've taken me for granted. I came so close to leaving you and the reason i didnt is because we'd been through so much together that i felt it would be selfish of me to not fight for what we had. I thought to myself, " maybe i can make him fall in love with me again." and apparently i did. but sometime you make me feel so unimportant to you. Im so sick of feeling like I'M the other woman. When I'M the one who had put up with shit and been there for you and loved you so much for over a year! I know it bothers you that i havent forgiven you for the Criagslist whores, but i have my reasons. you should know that. your cunt of an ex wife treated you like shit and yet you did the shit to me that you did. Can you understand how much that hurts? Do you have any idea? I know you ment what you told me at the airport the day i was leaving north carolina. And i want to believe you so bad. I want to believe that you never ment to hurt me and you'll never do it again, but you have to understand why i have so many reasons to not. I love you more than anything in my fucking life, i never knew i could love ANYONE the way i love you. Every night i pray that i get to spend the rest of my life with you. No one else. I've never thought that about anyone. not even brandon. I cant express to you how much you mean to me and how far i'd go for you. but sometimes you make me feel so small in unimportant. I know your on a crusade to find yourself.. but i still need to know that you need me. that what you told me in that message and at the airport is true. you have a lot of proving to do and i'm waiting. you promised me you'd be honest with me and you havent... you promise me three very important things before you left and you've broken every single one of them. but i understand the stress of being apart. it's not what you say that i doubt, it's your commitment and fidelity. god dammit joel. i love you so much. please dont be lying to me. i'm not gonna put up with it anymore. I cant for the sake of myself. Your all i think aboiut and i talk about and i'd give up everything just to be with you. If i could have one job in the world it would be to find a way to make you smile every day. if you love someone, you love everything about them. The good AND the bad. Please love me back. My armor is almost gone. I just want to be yours forever. I'm sorry i cant tell you this in person, but i fear your judgement more then anyone elses. it hurts so much more.