So..alright here's the deal. This is gonna be a pretty angsty post because I have some things I need to get off my chest, so I encourage anyone reading to just move on. Come back in a couple days and I'll hopefully have something witty and clever up. Thank you.
The thing about life that gets me is that it constantly runs in highs and lows. I know that for every period that I have a high, (meeting a girl, good luck with money, everything going my way), the fall will eventually happen. (Same girl giving me the cold shoulder, not being able to save enough money, and having my tire blow out on the side of I-70 with traffic whizzing by at 70mph less than two feet from me.)
Let's start with women. The cause and solution to most of my problems. This girl I was kind of dating I'm pretty sure is cutting it off. I'd be more sad, but I'm used to shit like this. Disappointment seems to be the name of the game lately with women. I'm also disappointed that I seem to have this effect. That I can charm girls easily, but when it gets down to showing them who I really am, everything gets sideways on me. Makes me think that I won't be having a girlfriend, or even getting laid, for a while yet.
Another thing is that a friend showed me this book that creates some kind of numbered code based off your birthday and computing it somehow. I read my little section, and it creeped me the fuck out. It was like reading my whole thought process on paper. My code is 30:3 and basically that means I'm super emtionally sensitive, and because of that, I'm an asshole so I don't get hurt. zing. It turns out that I "love to fall in love" because I need the emotional energy of people. zing. I complain a lot because there's so much wrong with the world and I feel I need to fix it because I feel like I'm capable of it. zing. I transfer between feeling "I can take over the world" to "Why am I still alive?" and have big problems with depression. zing. I hate this. I hate the fact that I'm too sensitive to emotions (mine and others) and depression problems. If I had it my way, I'd be a stone cold robot manipulating people for my own ends. Robots never feel sad or have a conscience.
So I think about it alot, what exactly am I living for? I don't know. Love? That's not really happening, nor does it seem like it will happen in the near future. Personal glory? That seems like a far off goal that's really just masturbating my ego. So, my goals in life seem hollow and insubstantial, and the worst part about this whole thing? In a couple days(weeks) I'll right myself up for a while, be happy (or close to it) then a couple days(weeks) after I'll be right back here, in a hole. I'm not loving life right now.
Well, that's about all I have to say, and why am I closing this anyway? This is basically a short piece I wrote to myself. Well self, we've done this before and it'll happen again, so just pull your shit together and hope you'll turn around tomorrow.
The thing about life that gets me is that it constantly runs in highs and lows. I know that for every period that I have a high, (meeting a girl, good luck with money, everything going my way), the fall will eventually happen. (Same girl giving me the cold shoulder, not being able to save enough money, and having my tire blow out on the side of I-70 with traffic whizzing by at 70mph less than two feet from me.)
Let's start with women. The cause and solution to most of my problems. This girl I was kind of dating I'm pretty sure is cutting it off. I'd be more sad, but I'm used to shit like this. Disappointment seems to be the name of the game lately with women. I'm also disappointed that I seem to have this effect. That I can charm girls easily, but when it gets down to showing them who I really am, everything gets sideways on me. Makes me think that I won't be having a girlfriend, or even getting laid, for a while yet.
Another thing is that a friend showed me this book that creates some kind of numbered code based off your birthday and computing it somehow. I read my little section, and it creeped me the fuck out. It was like reading my whole thought process on paper. My code is 30:3 and basically that means I'm super emtionally sensitive, and because of that, I'm an asshole so I don't get hurt. zing. It turns out that I "love to fall in love" because I need the emotional energy of people. zing. I complain a lot because there's so much wrong with the world and I feel I need to fix it because I feel like I'm capable of it. zing. I transfer between feeling "I can take over the world" to "Why am I still alive?" and have big problems with depression. zing. I hate this. I hate the fact that I'm too sensitive to emotions (mine and others) and depression problems. If I had it my way, I'd be a stone cold robot manipulating people for my own ends. Robots never feel sad or have a conscience.
So I think about it alot, what exactly am I living for? I don't know. Love? That's not really happening, nor does it seem like it will happen in the near future. Personal glory? That seems like a far off goal that's really just masturbating my ego. So, my goals in life seem hollow and insubstantial, and the worst part about this whole thing? In a couple days(weeks) I'll right myself up for a while, be happy (or close to it) then a couple days(weeks) after I'll be right back here, in a hole. I'm not loving life right now.
Well, that's about all I have to say, and why am I closing this anyway? This is basically a short piece I wrote to myself. Well self, we've done this before and it'll happen again, so just pull your shit together and hope you'll turn around tomorrow.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Consider this... if the girl is ditching you, then it can only be one of three things. She a lesbien and was just in denial, she one of those girls that isn't happy until she's hooked up with an absolute asshole who treats her like shit, or third... she's an alien from outerspace and was just getting close to study the mystery and perfection that is your hair.
Cheer up! Noone who would make you sad is worth your unhappiness.