Title: Dreams and Longings... and All That Silly Tripe
Sometimes I just don't get it. I don't get it at all.
I can go for an extended time without dreaming. Days. Weeks, even a couple of months can go by without a single trip into dreamland.
And sometimes, I will have a few days or a week where clusters of dreams smash into me like a brick.
Some dreams are just flashes, one scene where I barely recall it until all the sudden... I see it in real life. Usually when I'm worried, distressed, or vexed (mostly negative emotions, anyways), I will recall a dream with the same scene as the one playing in real life. I have experimented with those for the last year by playing them out, changing what I was supposed to say, doing something different, or just letting it be. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The goal is to make these 'prophetic dreams' into something useful. Better recall and memory, better warning, more lengthy dreams, and of course, being able to put this strange gift (if it is one, or if its supposed to be) to good use.
So far, it's useless, and only triggers during mundane events. Oh well... keep trying!
However, that's not all I have. I do believe that every dream has a certain amount of insight. Dreams can be silly or just for fun, but many are a look into your mind that your waking self cannot see. Think this is voodoo? Hell no! There's been Biblical stories about dreams and their usefulness. Why, you can see the ancient Egyptian grain silo's in the desert from when a Jewish prophet predicted seven years of prosperity followed by seven years of famine. Therefore, I take dreams seriously.
But enough about the fluff. Lets find out what is going on inside my screwed up head.
It was late morning to early afternoon at the Sunridge Mall parking lot (probably in my memory because I went there yesterday to get Krispy Kreme Doughnuts). I think it was early summer, about June or July. My family came to visit in their big Dodge Ram with the camper on the back. They were camped out (legal? I know it is at Wal-Mart lots). We were inside the camper, and we were having an argument.
Not to get into details, but my dad wasn't happy that I wasn't getting a decent career. We were arguing about it, myself versus the entire family. Dad was being his usual aggressive self. Mom was nagging. My brother was making smartassed comments and my sister was trying to be gentle and get everything calm and ordered... while really just looking snarky and not settling down the entire affair altogether.
"Hey, I have to make a smart decision on this." I argued, since I was trying to justify delaying a decision to join the army.
"Then do something stupid." My dad shot back. I understood. He was implying that I should take a risk and go for it anyways.
I decided to get out of the camper. Everyone seemed to agree that there was no point in arguing, though lots of feelings were hurt and nothing was resolved. Still seething with anger, he packed up everything and moved the truck. But for some reason, he lost the wooden blocks meant to level the camper.
He immediately (in his usual aggressive fashion) conscripted the entire family to go out and find them. I wasn't that much of a prick, so I helped as well.
I was looking, when I saw a college friend of mine. Her name was (name real name withheld from the public due to privacy concerns) Saleem. A Lebanese girl, the same age as me. Curled blonde and black hair (it was streaked)... but she sometimes wore it straight, tanned olive skin, doelike eyes, a pert, pointed nose, glowing cheeks, and a voluptuous body that curved in every place a decent man could appreciate. She was no Suicide Girl, more of a party girl. She was born of Christian and Muslim parents and was a Muslim herself. She was sweet, calm, considerate, kind, affectionate... so many good things into her personality that I can't fill them all in. The only thing that vexed me about her was that she still looked at me like a 'teddy bear', and not a real man that wanted to give to her. That... and her rich, handsome, Muslim suitor whom she loved more than anything. Damn!
So here was this girl that I knew in college, the only girl on record I know that could order me to do almost anything, was at the bus stop, waving for me to come with her. She had a couple of Arab girlfriends with her, all dressed similar to her (in J. Lo sunglasses, and nice, tight, trendy clothes), and they were trying to get me to come with as well. They were also holding up a bus.
"Sorry dad! Gotta go do something stupid!" I ran off to try and catch my old college friend.
Problem is, the bus sped off.
At least Saleem was still there. She shrugged, and came forward.
"I hope I didn't make you late." I said.
While I said that. We heard the bus stop. My dad actually got the busdriver to stop the bus so that we could board.
Did I get on with Saleem? Not sure. That was when I woke up.
I'm not sure what to make of it yet. I'll let you all know later. Meanwhile, I think I should try to contact 'Saleem' this week. I have not seen her since last summer at DeVry, and I do miss her deeply. But what's the point? Not sure. Am I just chasing something that I cannot have, or do I genuinely want to see a good friend? And does she really see me as harmless (she has mentioned this before, though it wounded me), or as something more flattering?
And what about this Janitor job? I'm not at her class or calibre. How can I keep up?
*Sigh* if only people were easy to deal with...
Sometimes I just don't get it. I don't get it at all.
I can go for an extended time without dreaming. Days. Weeks, even a couple of months can go by without a single trip into dreamland.
And sometimes, I will have a few days or a week where clusters of dreams smash into me like a brick.
Some dreams are just flashes, one scene where I barely recall it until all the sudden... I see it in real life. Usually when I'm worried, distressed, or vexed (mostly negative emotions, anyways), I will recall a dream with the same scene as the one playing in real life. I have experimented with those for the last year by playing them out, changing what I was supposed to say, doing something different, or just letting it be. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The goal is to make these 'prophetic dreams' into something useful. Better recall and memory, better warning, more lengthy dreams, and of course, being able to put this strange gift (if it is one, or if its supposed to be) to good use.
So far, it's useless, and only triggers during mundane events. Oh well... keep trying!
However, that's not all I have. I do believe that every dream has a certain amount of insight. Dreams can be silly or just for fun, but many are a look into your mind that your waking self cannot see. Think this is voodoo? Hell no! There's been Biblical stories about dreams and their usefulness. Why, you can see the ancient Egyptian grain silo's in the desert from when a Jewish prophet predicted seven years of prosperity followed by seven years of famine. Therefore, I take dreams seriously.
But enough about the fluff. Lets find out what is going on inside my screwed up head.
It was late morning to early afternoon at the Sunridge Mall parking lot (probably in my memory because I went there yesterday to get Krispy Kreme Doughnuts). I think it was early summer, about June or July. My family came to visit in their big Dodge Ram with the camper on the back. They were camped out (legal? I know it is at Wal-Mart lots). We were inside the camper, and we were having an argument.
Not to get into details, but my dad wasn't happy that I wasn't getting a decent career. We were arguing about it, myself versus the entire family. Dad was being his usual aggressive self. Mom was nagging. My brother was making smartassed comments and my sister was trying to be gentle and get everything calm and ordered... while really just looking snarky and not settling down the entire affair altogether.
"Hey, I have to make a smart decision on this." I argued, since I was trying to justify delaying a decision to join the army.
"Then do something stupid." My dad shot back. I understood. He was implying that I should take a risk and go for it anyways.
I decided to get out of the camper. Everyone seemed to agree that there was no point in arguing, though lots of feelings were hurt and nothing was resolved. Still seething with anger, he packed up everything and moved the truck. But for some reason, he lost the wooden blocks meant to level the camper.
He immediately (in his usual aggressive fashion) conscripted the entire family to go out and find them. I wasn't that much of a prick, so I helped as well.
I was looking, when I saw a college friend of mine. Her name was (name real name withheld from the public due to privacy concerns) Saleem. A Lebanese girl, the same age as me. Curled blonde and black hair (it was streaked)... but she sometimes wore it straight, tanned olive skin, doelike eyes, a pert, pointed nose, glowing cheeks, and a voluptuous body that curved in every place a decent man could appreciate. She was no Suicide Girl, more of a party girl. She was born of Christian and Muslim parents and was a Muslim herself. She was sweet, calm, considerate, kind, affectionate... so many good things into her personality that I can't fill them all in. The only thing that vexed me about her was that she still looked at me like a 'teddy bear', and not a real man that wanted to give to her. That... and her rich, handsome, Muslim suitor whom she loved more than anything. Damn!
So here was this girl that I knew in college, the only girl on record I know that could order me to do almost anything, was at the bus stop, waving for me to come with her. She had a couple of Arab girlfriends with her, all dressed similar to her (in J. Lo sunglasses, and nice, tight, trendy clothes), and they were trying to get me to come with as well. They were also holding up a bus.
"Sorry dad! Gotta go do something stupid!" I ran off to try and catch my old college friend.
Problem is, the bus sped off.
At least Saleem was still there. She shrugged, and came forward.
"I hope I didn't make you late." I said.
While I said that. We heard the bus stop. My dad actually got the busdriver to stop the bus so that we could board.
Did I get on with Saleem? Not sure. That was when I woke up.
I'm not sure what to make of it yet. I'll let you all know later. Meanwhile, I think I should try to contact 'Saleem' this week. I have not seen her since last summer at DeVry, and I do miss her deeply. But what's the point? Not sure. Am I just chasing something that I cannot have, or do I genuinely want to see a good friend? And does she really see me as harmless (she has mentioned this before, though it wounded me), or as something more flattering?
And what about this Janitor job? I'm not at her class or calibre. How can I keep up?
*Sigh* if only people were easy to deal with...
Lately, my days have been fraught with blessings.
Though granted, my privacy has been cut short due to constant guests of my roommate Raven, I have still been able to enjoy the nice spring weather, the latest films (I just saw Hellboy, not bad but I expected better), and even enjoy some music (my song of the week is "Romeo" By Basement Jaxx, from the album "Rooty"). I've been able to write some more, and the results are pleasing. I even had a pleasant dream a couple of nights ago. Then there's the fact that Raven's phone bill is about to be paid (thanks to me, which will cost as much as having a new phone connected in my name anyways, so what the hell...) so i'll finally have a local number! Not only that, my parents have good news. The family accountant just told them that I'm about to get a whopping $1200+ in my income tax return!
My parents suggest I put some into RRSP's. Sure, why not? Or better yet, I know a guy working for Investor's Group. He'll take care of my money even better. I'll put half into that, and the other half will be used to enjoy life for a change. Get some new clothes... maybe a part or two for the old computer... or furnature! Furnature! I need shelves! Raven's piles of anime tapes and CD's are taking over! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have six weeks to think about it.
I was thinking about the dream I had a couple of nights ago (BTW, I had one last night, barely remember it, but my dad was in it again). It made me realize that I deeply miss 'Saleem' (real name kept hidden to protect her privacy).
Maybe I should try to find some even ground between myself and my dad, be not so afraid of him, and even admit both when he's right and wrong (and be able to say it, instead of keeping silent). But you know what? He may be a bit aggressive while I insist on being gentle, but he has some valid points. And despite being loud and aggressive, he has done well in raising me. Funny thing is, i'm not his, i'm a son bred from when my mom was married to another guy. But hey... your father's the one who takes the time to raise you, not the one who f**ked your mom, right? I'll give my real dad his dues...
But 'Saleem'? I wish Raven would reconnect the phone faster (he's doing so today). I so desperately want to contact her! I haven't seen her since last July. I know she'll remember me, but I wonder if she'll be happy to see me, or if she'll even go out for a coffee? For that matter, why is it that i'm so excited about this? Why do I feel so elated about the prospect? I wish I knew...
Could someone offer some insight? I would greatly appreciate it.