Thank you for being a catalyst in my life. I needed someone just wrong enough to show me the dark path I could have been walking along.
When we first met you encouraged me to be and accept myself. As our relationship progressed I began to realize that this need for me to be myself was a cry for help for you to find yourself, no one can help you with that, it is something you need to fully accept before you can grow. My realization came too late as I had lost myself in trying to help you figure out who you are. You talked about changes and taking over the world together as king and queen, but only saw the need for change within me and not one's self. Maybe we are soulmates, but only my soul fully recognized the catalyst.
I know who I am. I thought I knew who I was because I was with you, but the longer we we're together the more I realized I hadn't fully known myself in years And that you temporarily made me feel the most me. You did remind me to be myself (or at least tried to at first and then did so by holding trial against my very soul any chance you could have), but I realize You were another chapter in my own book of self growth (And can only hope that I was a chapter in yours, although I have a feeling you'll look back and justify your reaction by my "actions" as you always have..) I know who I am, where my soul has been, and the things it is destined for. I'm sorry for any wrong you think I have done to you and forgive you for wrongs done to me.
you talked about resolving our broken relationship and I tried to do so as being friend Yet you still completely assume I did you wrong without communication even as friends. You were my best friend I told you that, you rewrote my definition of love and best friend, but given everything that has followed you fucked with my definition of both.
I'm Scarred But okay. Actually more than okay. And if you were ever my best friend, which I thought you were at one point, you would be happy That I found someone that treats me as I treat them, a fountain of love.
I understand that you are young and have been hurt and don't know who you really are or what you want because I have been there, I still struggle with these things. Just know that no one can fix one's self but one's self. And that relying on on another's light will only bring darkness. Everyone carries matches, it is relying on ones own self and not others that will deliver the fool from the cave.
I have come to fully accept my cycles and flaws and actively seek to break them. Thank you for reminding me of things I do want and need in life and out of a relationship.
At the end of the day: I don't want or need someone to validate my existence as a being.
Nor do I have to worry about that because I have found the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with and will be the father of my children. Something I imagined with you but KNOW with him. I knew as soon as he walked through the door. Everything that I thought I knew with you only became more clear knowing myself. You came to my life as a distraction. I knew you were and I ignored it. But thanks to you I will never ignore signs again.