A service to the three people that read this blog: I will help you overcome the drudgery of your current job. The soul-crushing drain of my current job really bothered me this past week (I spent an hour today arguing with someone over compound interest). Then I remembered that I held two of the Worst Jobs in the World. By comparison, this little operation is paradise. In case you weren't aware what the worst jobs in the world were, here is a recap:
Worst Job in the World -- Runner Up
Title: Technician, entymology and nemotology lab
Should have been called: Dirt washer
Duties: Taking soil samples sent in from around the state, and alternately washing the dirt through strainers, then centrifuging the dirt, to remove nemotodes for testing.
Low point: Having a test tube explode in a centrifuge, spraying dirty sugar-water all over me and the lab.
High point: Having drunken sex with a british grad student I met at the lab
Dullness Factor: 10 -- washing dirt is really, really, REALLY boring
Grossness Factor: 2, unless I started thinking about the nemotodes getting all over me as I strained the dirt, in which case it was a 3.
WORST JOB IN THE WORLD - WINNER:
Title: Assistant, Equine Clinic (you think you can already see where this is going? You have no idea . . . .)
Should Have Been Called: Dead Horse Mutilator and Removal Technician
Duties: If a horse died in the State of Florida, the owner could either bury it illegally, pay a ton of $$ to have it properly disposed of, or send it to the University of Florida, where vet students would "autopsy" the horse as part of a lab. When they were finished, someone had to remove the bloody carcasses and hose down the room. That someone was me.
To dispose of a dissected horse corpse, you closed it up and stapled the horse shut. You then hooked it behind it's achilles tendon to a chain lift, lifted it up, and pushed it out to an incinerator. Fun!
Oh yeah, I also had to remove the horses' front legs for microsurgery practice. I used a hacksaw.
Finally, this was a night job, so while I was hoisting 1200 lb corpses, my friends were out drinking.
Low Point: Having the staples burst on a hoisted horse corpse and being doused in a waterfall of blood, effluvia, and horse parts. I wore a raincoat to protect against total saturation (a yellow slicker) but some horse juice still always managed to get on me. Also, once a bunch of falling intestines gave me a concussion.
High Point: I got an anthrax shot, which theoretically protected me from later terrorist mail attacks. Also, horse legs are hard to remove, so I think I got stronger in my legs and back.
Dullness Factor: 3 -- never a dull moment, almost.
Grossness Factor -- 1,000,000,000. I'm not squeamish by any means, but this was just a gross experience.
So, if you are hating your day, just remember that it could be worse. You could be incinerating horses or washing dirt
Worst Job in the World -- Runner Up
Title: Technician, entymology and nemotology lab
Should have been called: Dirt washer
Duties: Taking soil samples sent in from around the state, and alternately washing the dirt through strainers, then centrifuging the dirt, to remove nemotodes for testing.
Low point: Having a test tube explode in a centrifuge, spraying dirty sugar-water all over me and the lab.
High point: Having drunken sex with a british grad student I met at the lab
Dullness Factor: 10 -- washing dirt is really, really, REALLY boring
Grossness Factor: 2, unless I started thinking about the nemotodes getting all over me as I strained the dirt, in which case it was a 3.
WORST JOB IN THE WORLD - WINNER:
Title: Assistant, Equine Clinic (you think you can already see where this is going? You have no idea . . . .)
Should Have Been Called: Dead Horse Mutilator and Removal Technician
Duties: If a horse died in the State of Florida, the owner could either bury it illegally, pay a ton of $$ to have it properly disposed of, or send it to the University of Florida, where vet students would "autopsy" the horse as part of a lab. When they were finished, someone had to remove the bloody carcasses and hose down the room. That someone was me.
To dispose of a dissected horse corpse, you closed it up and stapled the horse shut. You then hooked it behind it's achilles tendon to a chain lift, lifted it up, and pushed it out to an incinerator. Fun!
Oh yeah, I also had to remove the horses' front legs for microsurgery practice. I used a hacksaw.
Finally, this was a night job, so while I was hoisting 1200 lb corpses, my friends were out drinking.
Low Point: Having the staples burst on a hoisted horse corpse and being doused in a waterfall of blood, effluvia, and horse parts. I wore a raincoat to protect against total saturation (a yellow slicker) but some horse juice still always managed to get on me. Also, once a bunch of falling intestines gave me a concussion.
High Point: I got an anthrax shot, which theoretically protected me from later terrorist mail attacks. Also, horse legs are hard to remove, so I think I got stronger in my legs and back.
Dullness Factor: 3 -- never a dull moment, almost.
Grossness Factor -- 1,000,000,000. I'm not squeamish by any means, but this was just a gross experience.
So, if you are hating your day, just remember that it could be worse. You could be incinerating horses or washing dirt
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
trixxx:
ew gross...good blog hahha
trixxx:
god UPDATE man