A guy walks into a bar. He starts drinking more and more, and soon he's very drunk. He gets so drunk that, soon, he pukes all over his suit, which makes him start to wail and moan. "My wife's gonna kill me!" he wails to the bartender. "This is my best suit!"
"OK, here's what you do. Do you have a $20 bill?" the bartender asks.
"Yeah," slurs the guy.
"You put that $20 in your pocket, and when your wife sees you, you just tell her that some guy at the bar puked on you, and gave you that $20 to get your suit dry cleaned."
The guy thinks this is a great idea and staggers home. Sure enough, when he gets home, his wife is furious to see his best suit so stained. "Some guy puked on me and gave me this $20 to get it cleaned," the guy says, and his wife seems pacified by this response.
"Oh well, I guess you couldn't have helped that. We'd better get you to bed." So she leads her husband upstairs, and helps him get undressed for bed, when she notices something. "What's this other $20 for?" she asks him.
"Oh yeah," says the guy. "He pissed in my pants too."
(bah-duh-bum)
"OK, here's what you do. Do you have a $20 bill?" the bartender asks.
"Yeah," slurs the guy.
"You put that $20 in your pocket, and when your wife sees you, you just tell her that some guy at the bar puked on you, and gave you that $20 to get your suit dry cleaned."
The guy thinks this is a great idea and staggers home. Sure enough, when he gets home, his wife is furious to see his best suit so stained. "Some guy puked on me and gave me this $20 to get it cleaned," the guy says, and his wife seems pacified by this response.
"Oh well, I guess you couldn't have helped that. We'd better get you to bed." So she leads her husband upstairs, and helps him get undressed for bed, when she notices something. "What's this other $20 for?" she asks him.
"Oh yeah," says the guy. "He pissed in my pants too."
(bah-duh-bum)
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
"hey barmaid! bring me a fuckin 12 year old scotch and put the rush on it! and i don't want any shit from you, bitch!"
the bartender, thinks this is rude, so he pours the guy a cheap blended scotch. the guy takes a sip, spits it in the barkeep's face and throw the glass across the bar.
" i said i wanted a 12 yr old scotch and you bring me this shite! fuck you and bring me a 12 yr old scotch, you retard!"
bertender thinks, 'lucky guess," and pours the guy a fine 8 yr old single malt. again, the dude takes a sip and freaks out.
"what the fuck kind of retarded dog did you fall out of? did i say 8 yr old, asshole? i said 12 YEARS OLD, YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!
the bartender gives in, reaches under the bar and pours the guy a glass of their finest 12 yr old scotch. the guy takes a sip, leans back, and calms down.
a bum at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement the whole time. he pulls a flask out of his back pocket and scoots over next to the guy.
"here, buddy, why don't you give this a try?"
the guy takes one swig and spits it out.
"this tastes like fucking PISS!"
the bum says, "it is! how old am i?"
ba-dump-psshhhh to you too.