hopelessdope

Where are you?

right here... just haven't been writing I guess. What are you up to?

I've gotten all the sections opened up....still a lot of blanks left though...HERE

you do know that you can conbine my progress and yours right? Just copy the link address i gave you and go to your funny farm page, then click save and paste my address in the bottom box.

random hello...found you on the member's blogs section....you successfully sucked me in to this one...i've played till my eyes feel like they're gonna bleed...


http://shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi?state=fcobabiaabaibbacaaaakaaaaaabicaaafabiaaadaabaefaadaeaaakacacaaeaaoliaaaiibibeaaaaaaaaaaoaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa&style=bzvvyyynzqyxraxusxpxritpwaabkrhvvcwyswefyqxvureztoxxpyqdywfudvezcacdidea&i=2&j=3&cmd=guess&guess=+


there's a little help...time for me to go to bed...let me know if you make any progress

I'm doing alright. How are you? I guess that would suck to have to see someone you used to be with. I wouldn't want to have to do it. Two months is still very soon though. It will get better. *Hugs*

Nope just a friend.

Heeey... You're back!

You can add yourself to the list.

P.S. Sunset Rubdown= ♥ !!!

I agree. I like being myself, but I would really enjoy being an improved version of myself. There are a few things I would like to fix. I don't have a hero or idol either, but I do have certain people I respect, or qualities I admire. I wouldn't mind aquiring those qualities that I admire, but I don't want to be them, or just like them.

well, i'm about to cancel m account. see ya over at the other place.

hey I'm a little little bit irish so whatever.

ha! I KNEW you would say that.

I don't have an accent either and you know it.

Sure, sure.... everyone else does, right?

Well, I think you're a fantastic writer. I haven't read anything in a couple of years though. *ahem* Would be nice to. *cough, cough*

well I'm working on something perhaps I'll let you see it once I get it typed up.

In a way I do want to run away to someplace new I just wonder if anything or anyone will be different. To tell you the truth right now there isn't anyone I want to be closer with no one that I want to get to know better. I don't even know that I have had that close of relationships with people but tried myself into thinking so. I feel that certain people I held a bit close because I wanted someone there but they really held me with little regard and dissappeared pretty quick when something new came about.

I really don't know if I can let my guard down to people I mean I can barely do it here. I feel the moment I do that I will be left behind which is something I can't stomach anymore. Maybe it's easier having nothing because then you can't lose anything. I'm just alone and feel like it will always be that way. Really I'm just the type of person that needs a certain amount of intimantcy but don't know how to go about it.

I don't know what I'm doing right now steph but I'm just going with the flow.

Oh what ex were you talking about anyways? That does sound weird to date someone that sounds like a copy of you kind of like he's looking for another you or maybe he just sticks to a certain type. I don't think I have ever dated anyone that can be compared to another in any way at all. Fuck who am I kidding though I rarely date and when I do it's people I don't like all that much. I'm much too intimidated to talk to people I actually like

I just feel rejection when it really isn't there and I just end up feeling pissy towards people for no real reason.

oh the ex I was talking about was the one that said "shut the fuck up" pretty recently. that loser that wanted more than i did, or so he thought, when all it really was is that he had control issues that, apparently, he wasn't even aware of. he did agree in the end though.

yeah, that was freaky to me. the one he dated before me wad my complete opposite. i think he did develop some affection for punkish type girls after dating me. he used to get mad when i would see some hot punk or goth girl and point her out. he would say that wasn't attractive. guess he thinks differently now.

i guess people start to desire things after they get used to them. they develop some sort of affection. on the other hand, many people do the complete opposite. like jay won't even consider dating any girl that is punk or goth or whatever. he's strictly about the preppy-ish girls.

eh. i myself don't really care what someone is into or how they dress. i was about to say or what kind of music they liten to but my god, sometimes that is annoying. i didn't care before but the last psycho listen to classic rock. jeez. i couldn't take that crap anymore. i can tolerate almost anything but... eh, it became more annoying as he did. i suppose that it was him and not the music as to why the music bothered me so much.

well, as for your lack of intimacy, once you meet the right person you'll let your guard down a bit. well, i can't say you for sure, but for myself and everyone i know that doesn't like people to get too close it's true. when i meet someone i fidn worthy of my time i let me guard down little by little.

i do it with some people. it's easier online for me, but it also depends on who. i was thinking about this last night for some reason. oh, i remember it was because i went by lily's old board. anyway, i was thinking about how i've know you, lily, and shamim for nearly 5 years now and how much i let each of you know me and vice versa. not point to this really other than i guess it always just depends on how comfortable we are with someone and if they can or can't hurt us in any way.

I understand the rejection feeling when it's not there. i always get weird vibes like this once a month but i know what that's from. mine is pretty severe where i'm sure i need anri-depressants during that time and it's just like when people need them normally, so i'm just saying that i understand that feeling (even if not all the time). I still think you should take something for it, and i know you're opposed to that. hey, why not research eastern medicine if you don't always agree with western. can't hurt, huh?