I wake up and it's the same routine day to day to the point it feels one day bleeds into the next and I lose track of time. I know I need help but doctors just wanna throw the latest drugs at me like I'm a dartboard and so they get kickbacks from big Pharma. My primary care is testing me for low T.. I'm scared. If it is low and they "treat", it... what does that mean for Chloe? The thought of losing the part of myself I've come to know, accept, and love... the thought of her disappearing... brings tears to my eyes. But I'm also tired.. so tired... of what we call life. I am not alive. I'm merely surviving. And when I realized Chloe was me and I was her I felt new purpose. But I don't know how to handle it... I don't want to burden my so called friends, enough of them have left me already or just think I'm going through some kind of mental correction for my past abuses. But I know Chloe is real. :'( and ... the idea of her leaving or not truly being me kills me. I would feel a part of myself die. And Chloe is the only good in my life currently... so... I'd begin to have bad thoughts. I'm broken and scarred. Too many to count. I don't know where to turn. "Is there someone out there who feels just like me?" I don't know.... but I don't belong here. I know most people would pass my rants off as crazy but I'm not. I'm very intelligent, logical, and analytical. Perhaps that's why I'm so lost... looking back at my life.... Chloe makes everything make sense... sh*t im sorry I'm whining and crying. I can't type anymore
More Blogs
-
2
-
2
It’s been a while
I relapsed... I feel like my so called friends just use me for comp… -
0
-
0
-
0
It's like purgatory
I wake up and it's the same routine day to day to the point it feel… -
0
Ich weiss nicht mehr warum ich lebe
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can't focus, I was just in … -
0
About Me
Gender confused and have also been called gender fluid(among other …