okay.
so.
the pretty girl at work that i'm pseudo stalking.
and by that i mean i leave flowers on her desk randomly.
one rose, then a bunch of ones i cut from a bush, then some daisies i picked, and lilies that may have died.
well, today i decided to go with a real bouquet of roses.
so i get my ass out of bed super early, head to dominion when i get into newmarket.
they have pretty dyed blue roses.
okay, sounds good, red is too hardcore, pink's too girl, blue juuuust right.
so as i'm cutting them in my car with an x-acto knife in my front seat, i realize that they won't all fit in this stupid vase i've purchased to stick a note to, to tell her to leave it on her desk for me to fill.
so i sit there for a couple minutes trying to decide what to do and figure that i will just give her the better half of the dozen and leave the rest in my car. well, i get to work a little later than my usual going-in-early-to-leave-flowers time and there are a few other people there, one or two in the parking lot.
fuck.
fuckfuckfuck.
so i suck it up and try to hide them beside me as best i can, run into the building, throw them on her desk and all is well.
i plan to make a trip to the bathroom, past her desk for the time she usually gets in, but 5 minutes prior accidentally get ink all over myself and have to run to the bathroom.
ruined my plan!
but i was crafty and once back to my desk was like shit! i left something in the bathroom!
so i run/walk quickly back, still not there.
wait around in the bathroom for a couple minutes, walk back, still not there.
however, in passing i hear someone who sits near her questioning where the flowers came from,
asking everyone if they saw someone come in with them, etc, etc.
now, i /think/ one of the people in the parking lot earlier sits near her and i think i heard something along the lines of "oh yes, mumble mumble, blue shirt, mumble mumble."
my heart nearly jumps out of my fucking chest.
i go and get back to work and try to focus on my tasks at hand all while trying to push the frantic "shitshitshitshit she knows and this is fucking awkward" feelings out of my head.
fastforward to break.
i walk by, she's still not at her desk.
continue walking.
look up, she's coming back in from outside.
she looks at me very oddly.
not like noticeably oddly to an outside force, but enough so as to say wtf? really?
usually when we cross paths she gives me a giant smile and says hi and continues on.
not today.
not today at all.
now i need to quit my job.
anyone want to hire me? anyone?
i feel so ridiculously pathetic.
oi.
she wasn't supposed to find out. she really wasn't. i was so sneaky! i planned everything out so fucking carefully. but for what.
all to be foiled in the end.
so now i don't know what to do.
maybe she doesn't know.
not like we really converse on a regular basis enough for me to figure out what level of knowing she is currently at..
so i don't know how to proceed.
if she doesn't know and i stop with the flowers, she'll be sad.
and if she does and i continue, i look like a fucking stalker.
and i'd like to point out that no, i don't know where she lives, her phone number or anything about her that she hasn't herself divulged to me.
so i'm really not stalking her.
she's just pretty.
and i wanted to tell her so.
but without being the stupid creepy dykie chick at work that i'm now going to be labelled. clearly.
fuck.
anyways..i have no friends and no one else to tell me little/fucking long assed story to.
and it's been burning a hole in me all day.
so there you go.
congratulations if you made it this far.
ohh, and by the time i got back to my car at the end of the day, the leftover roses had like cooked themselves with the 42 fucking degree heat today. i was going to run over them in the parking lot to make me feel better to some extent, don't ask. but again with the lot of people. so i destroyed them elsewhere instead.
and then cried myself home.
and was almost crushed by a mack truck.
great. fucking. day.
so.
the pretty girl at work that i'm pseudo stalking.
and by that i mean i leave flowers on her desk randomly.
one rose, then a bunch of ones i cut from a bush, then some daisies i picked, and lilies that may have died.
well, today i decided to go with a real bouquet of roses.
so i get my ass out of bed super early, head to dominion when i get into newmarket.
they have pretty dyed blue roses.
okay, sounds good, red is too hardcore, pink's too girl, blue juuuust right.
so as i'm cutting them in my car with an x-acto knife in my front seat, i realize that they won't all fit in this stupid vase i've purchased to stick a note to, to tell her to leave it on her desk for me to fill.
so i sit there for a couple minutes trying to decide what to do and figure that i will just give her the better half of the dozen and leave the rest in my car. well, i get to work a little later than my usual going-in-early-to-leave-flowers time and there are a few other people there, one or two in the parking lot.
fuck.
fuckfuckfuck.
so i suck it up and try to hide them beside me as best i can, run into the building, throw them on her desk and all is well.
i plan to make a trip to the bathroom, past her desk for the time she usually gets in, but 5 minutes prior accidentally get ink all over myself and have to run to the bathroom.
ruined my plan!
but i was crafty and once back to my desk was like shit! i left something in the bathroom!
so i run/walk quickly back, still not there.
wait around in the bathroom for a couple minutes, walk back, still not there.
however, in passing i hear someone who sits near her questioning where the flowers came from,
asking everyone if they saw someone come in with them, etc, etc.
now, i /think/ one of the people in the parking lot earlier sits near her and i think i heard something along the lines of "oh yes, mumble mumble, blue shirt, mumble mumble."
my heart nearly jumps out of my fucking chest.
i go and get back to work and try to focus on my tasks at hand all while trying to push the frantic "shitshitshitshit she knows and this is fucking awkward" feelings out of my head.
fastforward to break.
i walk by, she's still not at her desk.
continue walking.
look up, she's coming back in from outside.
she looks at me very oddly.
not like noticeably oddly to an outside force, but enough so as to say wtf? really?
usually when we cross paths she gives me a giant smile and says hi and continues on.
not today.
not today at all.
now i need to quit my job.
anyone want to hire me? anyone?
i feel so ridiculously pathetic.
oi.
she wasn't supposed to find out. she really wasn't. i was so sneaky! i planned everything out so fucking carefully. but for what.
all to be foiled in the end.
so now i don't know what to do.
maybe she doesn't know.
not like we really converse on a regular basis enough for me to figure out what level of knowing she is currently at..
so i don't know how to proceed.
if she doesn't know and i stop with the flowers, she'll be sad.
and if she does and i continue, i look like a fucking stalker.
and i'd like to point out that no, i don't know where she lives, her phone number or anything about her that she hasn't herself divulged to me.
so i'm really not stalking her.
she's just pretty.
and i wanted to tell her so.
but without being the stupid creepy dykie chick at work that i'm now going to be labelled. clearly.
fuck.
anyways..i have no friends and no one else to tell me little/fucking long assed story to.
and it's been burning a hole in me all day.
so there you go.
congratulations if you made it this far.
ohh, and by the time i got back to my car at the end of the day, the leftover roses had like cooked themselves with the 42 fucking degree heat today. i was going to run over them in the parking lot to make me feel better to some extent, don't ask. but again with the lot of people. so i destroyed them elsewhere instead.
and then cried myself home.
and was almost crushed by a mack truck.
great. fucking. day.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i know that things may seem kind of rough now but you just have to realise that even if she does know that it is you, you are the one responsible for bringing a smile to her face and making her day for the last few weeks with these little suprises.
honestly you did not sound very sure if she knows it was you and the fact that it happened right before the weekend only serves to spread doubt adn worry. my advise is to just relax and take whatever life is offering you. perhaps she was just having a bad day before she even got to work and that is the reason that you did not get the smile that you have come to expect. there is no way i could know exactly what is going on there but i would be willing to bet that you are just worried and as such you are reading into this situation...
good luck with whatever happens on monday...