My feet are wet
I'm cold
Yet, I don't feel sad, nor empty.
Disconfort can bring you to life.
In a way
I went to get a massage today for the first time.
It felt great and it was a man.
I was afraid of being sexually aroused ... but it never came close.
But not because it was a man.
I felt strangely unattractive on the massage table.
Like a piece of unwanted meat in a display.
And my mind is never at peace.
I can't...
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Had a moderate success today at work, 10 people added me on Facebook.
This is the closest to being somebody that I felt this week.
Watching soft porn on TV at night.
Boy I miss being a teenage boy.
Pleasure was simple with a life full of shortcomings.
It's cold outside and the coffee is not warm enough.
Cold heart.
I don't miss the sun as much as I miss the warmth of feeling wanted.
It's sad really when you told someone you're not going to be there and they don't ask you why not nor ask you to come just for a bit.
It's sad really, wanting to be wanted and feeling empty in return.
Feeling less than ordinary
Not because of this blue Monday
But every other day
Like a wheel stuck in the mud
It keeps on spinning, but never gets clean
A day is just day, but blue is more than a colour
Spent all day at IKEA
I don't feel any happier
Today
So you got out and meet people you know from afar.
Work email, Facebook, Twitter, etc
You are not there, but you want to be. Your head is away, far away, where you don't have to create a version of yourself that familiar strangers will like
You are who they see, the one you brought to this get together
And then you get back home...
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Unless you reach out first, nothing ever happens.
No new message on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.
You don't exist unless you remind people that you do.
You are someone, somewhere, but never close.
What ever you do, you never wins.
A rock in a pond that sinks without a ripple.
You go unnotice, alone, building a social network.
At the center of it all,...
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