one of those nights where I just need to lay in bed and not do a damn thing. Just lay in silence and deal with emotions and shit. Sometimes my mind wanders to past experiences or people. I suppose I tie a lot of personal milestones and events to people in my life, and a sense of loss can be overwhelming if those people are not around for better or worse. I think about an ex of mine from time-to-time who was a total alcoholic. She was crazy, but a lot of fun. I mean we were total opposites in a lot of ways - I'm sort of a health nut, day worker and workout out constantly, and she was a heavy smoker, drinker, and night owl. I guess I needed her devil may care attitude in my life and I miss that. That and I was just physically attracted to her in every way. She would fit right in as a SG girl. She was poisonous and destructive, but I guess I needed that yin to my yang.
My current relationship is a long distance one with someone who has little to no interest in staying in this part of the country. She's from California and currently just working in the Mississippi Delta as a teacher. Once her tenure there is up, she plans on going to med school back in Cali, which means I have to abandon ship here and move if I want to continue seeing her. She's a great girl with a lot of ambition. Part of me likes my world here, and the life I have built. I don't have some yearning to escape or some disgust for the city I live in like some others seem to have. I could probably make it anywhere, but is it worth it, or will I always yearn for the seemingly greener grass, on the other side of the fence.