Unfortunately, I have a memory gap issue. My memory resets itself often, and I have to struggle through trying to remember important things. I've learned to have an emergency page, a diary, and trusted individuals who can help me through it. And it isn't anything the neurologists can figure out. That may be true, but if so, the crash where my memories reset to must have been a ridiculous trauma.
Sometimes, the memories do resurface. Sometimes its just seeing someone that will trigger a memory. I regained knowledge of a past lover from seeing someone who reminded me of them. sometimes I'll revisit a place... and a memory related to it will just show up. But bad memories show up just as often as good memories. Good memories are why I keep going, despite my problems. and I'm in a really good place right now, and because of that, and my faith in my girls to do right by me, I've overcome another trauma that I went through.
Domination takes many forms. Physical, emotional, financial, sexual, competitive, social. Some of it is play. Some of it is completely binding someone to you, offering them no way out. As a dominant, I find those that would bind someone to them without an escape repugnant.
I've had it happen to me three times in my life, only one of which has actually resurfaced in my memory.
Megan was a coworker of mine who I didn't really think much of. she was a big girl, A couple inches taller than me, and she worked in an office across from my cube block. She wasn't a manager or anything, but logistically, her duties demanded a lot of space for equipment. Some was extremely heavy. One day I was helping her with a tech problem when the mail guy, a tall, heavy dude who couldn't hardly lift anything, wheel up a box to her office. She shrieked with glee, moved the box off the cart (It was a box...) then move the old Canon off the back table, "Hold the door for me?" to the cart the mail guy had.
That Canon was over 100 pounds. That rock got in the gears in my head, and ground everything to a halt. The mail guy took the Canon away... She moved the box into her office and closed the door. I noticed that it had a two person to lift warning. That meant fuck all to Megan. She set it up in her office without help while I watched. I asked her what it was for, and she revealed that she was a nerd in all the wrong ways, as she demonstrated that it could fill 9x12 envelopes.
She asked if I liked what I saw. It then occurred to me that I'd been staring at her cleavage. "Apparently I did," I said dumbly. "I feel so stupid."
"Is your lust the problem, or is the professional environment the problem?"
"I could not help staring. it's been too long..." I said, feeling a bit relieved.
"I know the feeling well. Thanks for your honesty." She took a sticky note and wrote on it. "Here's my ticket number."
Pretty certain our ticketing system didn't use area code, prefix and last four. After work I dialed her, and we agreed to meet for dinner. I didn't realize the slimy tendrils of domination were already wrapping around me.
We met at the diner, and upon seeing me, she hurried to me and hugged me. She ran her hands up and down my back, and that relaxed me a great deal. We went inside, talked a little bit, compared living quarters, she had a small house to herself, I lived in a shitty apartment... discussed shows, games, friends, I learned that her manager was one of the people she was closest to. Then she offered escape back to her place. I accepted, and we went out to the parking lot. I started toward my car, and another tendril wrapped around me, as she took my hand and navigated me to her car. Once at her place, she showed me her weight room. You wouldn't know it by looking at her that she lifted. but then I recalled the amount of food she put away at the diner, and realized she was basically hiding the muscle she had. there's no way someone of her size should be able to curl 150... shit. Multiple times. oh shit. she stripped down to her underwear, and made me watch her work out. She was only straining a little. "Think I can do push-ups?" she asked, and she assumed the position and did a couple. Then she told me she needed a challenge, and told me to lay on her back. Alarm bells rung, and they rung loud. That tendril of domination pulled me under, as I complied. After a few of those, I heard her chuckling.
The energy changed. She slid me off her back, and before I knew it, she had me pinned. The tendril squeezed, crushing the breath out of me. "Tell anyone, and I'll tell HR you assaulted me. maybe even the cops." Then she covered my mouth with hers.
It was a simple matter for her to physically control me. She took me to her room, and started the abuse. The worst part of sexual abuse is when you feel pleasure, and hate yourself for it. She didn't let me go until morning.
A few days later, she called me again. The threat was vaguely mentioned. But I was dominated. I complied.
after about 6 months, she stopped calling on me. Another month later at work, I saw a request. A name change for Megan. I went into her office. "You didn't tell me you were getting married," I told her. She went white as a sheet. She told me not to tell anyone, but she was loudly shrieking now. Her manager heard.
There was a tangle of events after that, but that confrontation freed me from her.
I lost that memory for a while. I don't know what it is with me and finding strong women by accident, but... I was over at Jackie's place recently playing Uno. it turned into strip Uno after the second hand. by the time she got down to her thong and all I lost were my socks, she needed to get water. I stared at her ass in that thong, it was really well shaped in spite of being big. But the she broke my mesmerism. the 5 gallon jug on top was empty, and without thinking she uncapped and twirled a new 5-gal on top as easily as I would handle a single.
This put all the times we wrestled in a new light. Like, even that time I had her pinned from behind... Maybe I really didn't win.
I told her how easily she handled that. "Well, that was heavy," she complained in a totally fake girl voice. I gave her my "Really?" face, and she said... "Oops!" and smiled. Jackie wasn't small and I knew already she wasn't a girly girl by any stretch. She still had an hourglass figure, if that hourglass was wider than average, but her bust was small. She loved to be rough, and was very aggressive. But she didn't make any noise about her strength, ever. I asked her how strong she was.
"Too strong. I honestly don't know. I see people do things, and with only a little effort, I find that I can do them. Like, I think the most extreme was a toss up between floating sit-ups and bar gymnastics. I don't really do the gymnastics much, but I can fly off a bar and land flat. But the floating sit-ups, I do those for fun." From below the knee, her legs were on the table, and she sat up like her butt wasn't floating two and a half feet off the ground.
"How is it so easy?" I asked.
She dismounted slowly, but easily. "My hormones are fucked. And they can't figure out how. I wanted kids, but menopause at 25 kinda threw that out the window. Then they gave me some HRTs to offset the weirdness... Too much testosterone, even now that I'm off them... I just gain muscle by living." She smiled at me. "Well, now that you know..." She giggled as she picked me up and hauled me to the bedroom. As per our usual, I put up some play resistance.
She tied down my arms with my own shirt. once we were naked, and she was sitting on me, she asked me if I was ready.
Then, MEGAN hit me.
for a moment, I was overwhelmed. after all, I am human. But, we humans can also say, "FUCK THAT!"
"I have an idea. Don't move back. Move forward."
She was briefly confused. then her eyes widened. "You'd... do that... for me...?"
Turns out, it was the first time anyone had ever offered her oral sex. After a couple minutes and shrieks, I told her I needed my hands. It was a first for me, too. normally, if I'm offering that, the lady is tied up, and not sitting on my face. It was also the most enjoyment I'd ever taken out of giving a lady my tongue. She curled up next to me, spent in a way she'd never been before.
"I'd kill for you," she sleepily muttered.
"Just keep my car running, darling, and you'll have me."
She giggled and fell asleep. I lay there, thankful beyond words. That demon she'd helped me slay. I'll remember her. I won't let the demons in me take her from me.