I descended into the belly of the beast (a weekend with my dad) and came out alive. Saw a bunch of relatives with whom I have little in common, but with whom I feel obligated to see. Suburban lawyer, football, walmart, conservative people to whom I feel simultaneously morally superior and materially inferior. This circumstance is paradoxical because I don't want to feel inferior or superior to anyone. The most awkward aspect of it is I know if I spent more time with them, which is so hard, with ignorance patterns set in stone like they are, I would inevitably find something redeeming in all of them. I do believe, perhaps superstitiously, that fate casts people in the same family so they can learn something from one another, not just to feel a part of something bigger. But other times I find that all to be hogwash--the people you're born into being just a random mix of folks who probably don't have a clue what you mean when you describe your calling, because after all, we don't carry the visions of our souls in our genes...or do we? It occurs to me the presence, still on the earth, of all the people in my wiiiiiiiiiide family (birth and chosen) whom I wish I could see again, just once (or more, in some cases) while we are still in the same plane.
I thought my dad would always be youthful, but pushing 60 and being depressed a lot has him seeming older than ever. We wanted to join Ren (after 4 months) and Asia (after 9 years!) for the afternoon showing of The Cyclops at The Nightingale, but found out when we got there it was cancelled. So instead we chatted at Cafe Cubana, which was surreal, to say the least, with reams of subtext underneath our conversation. Diana had a crush on Asia all through elementary and middle school, and the three of us used to hang out with Asia's mom or my dad or both in 9th & 10th grade. Interesting how some of the most important people from my youth are connected to Diana. Asia's the only female delivery driver for Hideaway in Stillwater, and she's going to France next year to work on her international business degree. Wow. It seems Ren is at a difficult decision like me, hers to spend the summer in Tulsa knocking out some prereq. TCC classes and rockin out with the Artcore teens and the burdgeoning bike community here, <b><i>or</b></i> in Chicago, to get her old job back, and see most of the people she loves. Of course my decision is to spend the summer saving and getting ready to leave Tulsa <b><i>or</b></i> getting a car, a dayjob, and going back to community theatre. If I can hang on to the Braum's job long enough to save a good chunk of change without the "required" auto, that appears to be the way to go. I know it's foolish to compare our journeys, but it would be good if I had a designated time to decide this, like Ren's reunion trip to Shecawgo in a few weeks. When planning a method of tackling your dreams that takes place in the upcoming months, it's a lot scarier and more exciting than tossing a remote goal of "what I'll be doing a year from now" which you can forget about so much easier and turn over the conrtrol of your life to someone else or the intangible "Universe" or "God" or "Cosmos". I'll just get my shit together <i>as if I was leaving</i> and see where it goes from there. I always seem to be more organized when travelling. That's one of the reasons I'm attracted to it so. But to travel without money? That scares the bejeesus of Jesus outta me.
Last night my dad & I saw Heart of Gold. It was so moving to see his wife and all his friends join him on The Reiman, the original Grand Ole Opry stage. I kept thinking his voice sounded pretty absurd as a young man singing about the heavy issues of war, love, god and infinity--but now, after his confrontation with death it all makes sense. If you hadn't heard, he had an aneurysm during the recording of Prairie Wind, took six months off to have surgery, and now he's back up on his feet as such a beautiful fuckin hippy who I truly believe never sold out and never will. Here's proof: His new pro-impeachment record out in a few weeks ins called WE THE PEOPLE
I thought my dad would always be youthful, but pushing 60 and being depressed a lot has him seeming older than ever. We wanted to join Ren (after 4 months) and Asia (after 9 years!) for the afternoon showing of The Cyclops at The Nightingale, but found out when we got there it was cancelled. So instead we chatted at Cafe Cubana, which was surreal, to say the least, with reams of subtext underneath our conversation. Diana had a crush on Asia all through elementary and middle school, and the three of us used to hang out with Asia's mom or my dad or both in 9th & 10th grade. Interesting how some of the most important people from my youth are connected to Diana. Asia's the only female delivery driver for Hideaway in Stillwater, and she's going to France next year to work on her international business degree. Wow. It seems Ren is at a difficult decision like me, hers to spend the summer in Tulsa knocking out some prereq. TCC classes and rockin out with the Artcore teens and the burdgeoning bike community here, <b><i>or</b></i> in Chicago, to get her old job back, and see most of the people she loves. Of course my decision is to spend the summer saving and getting ready to leave Tulsa <b><i>or</b></i> getting a car, a dayjob, and going back to community theatre. If I can hang on to the Braum's job long enough to save a good chunk of change without the "required" auto, that appears to be the way to go. I know it's foolish to compare our journeys, but it would be good if I had a designated time to decide this, like Ren's reunion trip to Shecawgo in a few weeks. When planning a method of tackling your dreams that takes place in the upcoming months, it's a lot scarier and more exciting than tossing a remote goal of "what I'll be doing a year from now" which you can forget about so much easier and turn over the conrtrol of your life to someone else or the intangible "Universe" or "God" or "Cosmos". I'll just get my shit together <i>as if I was leaving</i> and see where it goes from there. I always seem to be more organized when travelling. That's one of the reasons I'm attracted to it so. But to travel without money? That scares the bejeesus of Jesus outta me.
Last night my dad & I saw Heart of Gold. It was so moving to see his wife and all his friends join him on The Reiman, the original Grand Ole Opry stage. I kept thinking his voice sounded pretty absurd as a young man singing about the heavy issues of war, love, god and infinity--but now, after his confrontation with death it all makes sense. If you hadn't heard, he had an aneurysm during the recording of Prairie Wind, took six months off to have surgery, and now he's back up on his feet as such a beautiful fuckin hippy who I truly believe never sold out and never will. Here's proof: His new pro-impeachment record out in a few weeks ins called WE THE PEOPLE