A True Story
Years ago when I was in college, my roommate "Hedgehog" Dave and I went out to a bar to unwind. Hedgehog's family was extremely well set-up and he drove a gorgeous Ferrari 328 GTS which never failed to turn heads. We took this car to the bar.
After 30 mins in the bar, Hedgehog realizes he left his favorite scarf in the car. Yes, you heard me, a scarf. So I troop out to the car to fetch the damned thing and, while retrieving it, catch the eye of a comely lass walking into the bar with some friends.
She stops dead in her tracks and waits for me to get close enough before saying, "Nice car! I bet it cost a fortune!"
"I don't know the exact price," was my technically-true answer.
She resumes walking as I pass her, placing herself right at my side. She takes hold of my elbow and asks me if I'm here alone.
"I'm here with Hedg - uh, Dave." With my boyfriend, I wanted to say just to see her reaction. "He's a friend."
"Got a girlfriend?" she asks point-blank. No, I tell her, but the night is still young.
She laughs at that lame, cheeseball remark and threads one arm around mine. "Well," she purrs, "Introduce me to this Dave and buy me a drink, ok?"
We get back to the table where a goggle-eyed Hedgehog has been watching us since the doorway. "Sunny," he says, "you found a friend."
(Note: My nickname was "Sunny" because we both agreed I am ugly enough to stop not just a watch, but a sundial. Dave got "Hedgehog" from a series of pet hedgehogs who continually died from him being to animal husbandry what a plague bacillus is to clear skin.)
"I guess the drinks are on you, Mr Ferrari!" she laughs as she hugs me. It's less than 10 minutes since our initial meeting and we're in the Hug Zone already.
"Oh, it's my car" says Hedgehog, "I'm the rich one. Sunny disarms bombs and we both fight crimes from our HQ in a haunted house outside Boston with the aid of our talking Ferrari, 'Alfredo.'"
Insta-girlfriend stares at Hedgehog for one straight minute - literally; she does not move nor speak. Finally she says, "So you own the Ferrari... it's not a lease or something or your Dad's car... it's yours, right?"
"Right," answers Hedgehog.
"And you're the tag-along?" she asks me angrily.
"I never said it was my car," I reply, "You assumed that. And I don't just tag along. I defuse bombs and things when we fight crime. Weren't you listening?"
"Get away from me," she snarls. Turning to Hedgehog, she says "Hey, let's go somewhere together, away from all these weirdos and losers."
Keep in mind that is was Hedgehog and not myself who started with the 'weird' remarks.
"Hold it, lady," Hedgehog says in such a flat, menacing voice that even I am taken aback. Several nearby bar patrons turn to look at us. He continues in a loud voice, aware that he now has an audience.
"You acted like my 'weirdo / loser' friend here was just what the doctor ordered when you thought he was rich."
"Now that you know I'm the one with the bucks, you suddenly want to know ME better?"
No answer this time from the young lady.
"I'll tell you what," says Hedgehog as he holds up his wallet, "Now that we know exactly what YOU are... how much to do both of us?
Our side of the bar explodes in laughter - female as well as male. My abruptly-ex-girlfriend vanishes so quickly that she almost leaves a smoke trail.
The bartender paid for the next round and told us we made his night.
Years ago when I was in college, my roommate "Hedgehog" Dave and I went out to a bar to unwind. Hedgehog's family was extremely well set-up and he drove a gorgeous Ferrari 328 GTS which never failed to turn heads. We took this car to the bar.
After 30 mins in the bar, Hedgehog realizes he left his favorite scarf in the car. Yes, you heard me, a scarf. So I troop out to the car to fetch the damned thing and, while retrieving it, catch the eye of a comely lass walking into the bar with some friends.
She stops dead in her tracks and waits for me to get close enough before saying, "Nice car! I bet it cost a fortune!"
"I don't know the exact price," was my technically-true answer.
She resumes walking as I pass her, placing herself right at my side. She takes hold of my elbow and asks me if I'm here alone.
"I'm here with Hedg - uh, Dave." With my boyfriend, I wanted to say just to see her reaction. "He's a friend."
"Got a girlfriend?" she asks point-blank. No, I tell her, but the night is still young.
She laughs at that lame, cheeseball remark and threads one arm around mine. "Well," she purrs, "Introduce me to this Dave and buy me a drink, ok?"
We get back to the table where a goggle-eyed Hedgehog has been watching us since the doorway. "Sunny," he says, "you found a friend."
(Note: My nickname was "Sunny" because we both agreed I am ugly enough to stop not just a watch, but a sundial. Dave got "Hedgehog" from a series of pet hedgehogs who continually died from him being to animal husbandry what a plague bacillus is to clear skin.)
"I guess the drinks are on you, Mr Ferrari!" she laughs as she hugs me. It's less than 10 minutes since our initial meeting and we're in the Hug Zone already.
"Oh, it's my car" says Hedgehog, "I'm the rich one. Sunny disarms bombs and we both fight crimes from our HQ in a haunted house outside Boston with the aid of our talking Ferrari, 'Alfredo.'"
Insta-girlfriend stares at Hedgehog for one straight minute - literally; she does not move nor speak. Finally she says, "So you own the Ferrari... it's not a lease or something or your Dad's car... it's yours, right?"
"Right," answers Hedgehog.
"And you're the tag-along?" she asks me angrily.
"I never said it was my car," I reply, "You assumed that. And I don't just tag along. I defuse bombs and things when we fight crime. Weren't you listening?"
"Get away from me," she snarls. Turning to Hedgehog, she says "Hey, let's go somewhere together, away from all these weirdos and losers."
Keep in mind that is was Hedgehog and not myself who started with the 'weird' remarks.
"Hold it, lady," Hedgehog says in such a flat, menacing voice that even I am taken aback. Several nearby bar patrons turn to look at us. He continues in a loud voice, aware that he now has an audience.
"You acted like my 'weirdo / loser' friend here was just what the doctor ordered when you thought he was rich."
"Now that you know I'm the one with the bucks, you suddenly want to know ME better?"
No answer this time from the young lady.
"I'll tell you what," says Hedgehog as he holds up his wallet, "Now that we know exactly what YOU are... how much to do both of us?
Our side of the bar explodes in laughter - female as well as male. My abruptly-ex-girlfriend vanishes so quickly that she almost leaves a smoke trail.
The bartender paid for the next round and told us we made his night.