so its been over a full week since i broke up with alan, i still feel really good about my decision, but boy is he making it hard for me. he kept me up til 3 in the morning last night, and all he wanted to talk about was "the future" and how he wants to take me out on "friendly dates" to show me how much i used to love him. which is just so fucking frustrating. he wants to be able to have casual sex with me, and although the sex was always great and so that is tempting, i just dont think its a good idea. honestly all i want is for him to get his stuff out of the apartment and stop trying to talk to me about relationship stuff so that i can move on.
then on the other hand of my life, i have got this girl. i think she is the most amazing person i have met in a long time. but shes got an internal dilemma because she considers herself straight, yet shes having sex with me every other night. im emotionally invested, and i cant tell if she is or not. sometimes it seems like she is, i know she enjoys my company and not just for the sex, and we have a lot of fun together, but other times it seems like she just really wants me to leave. i have been talking to her about it, but neither of us seem to be the best when it comes to articulately conveying our feelings. but im starting to get a little frustrated, because if shes not there emotionally i dont want to get burned.
in general i am not a very dramatic person and i dont like to surround myself with drama, but after rereading this post and my others, i realize that i must seem at least like a drama magnet if not a drama queen, dear god...
then on the other hand of my life, i have got this girl. i think she is the most amazing person i have met in a long time. but shes got an internal dilemma because she considers herself straight, yet shes having sex with me every other night. im emotionally invested, and i cant tell if she is or not. sometimes it seems like she is, i know she enjoys my company and not just for the sex, and we have a lot of fun together, but other times it seems like she just really wants me to leave. i have been talking to her about it, but neither of us seem to be the best when it comes to articulately conveying our feelings. but im starting to get a little frustrated, because if shes not there emotionally i dont want to get burned.
in general i am not a very dramatic person and i dont like to surround myself with drama, but after rereading this post and my others, i realize that i must seem at least like a drama magnet if not a drama queen, dear god...
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knives2meatyou:
Do you think maybe she really wants to be with you but can't accept the idea that she's gay? Maybe she could use some counseling or even therapy to confront and accept her feelings? Society still puts such a guilt trip on being gay that some people can't deal with how they really feel - you think maybe that's where she is? Glad you're making the break with Alan - you're right, it should be a clean break, otherwise you're just in a different part of the same rut.
aratinga:
i think she does want to be with me, but i do think that it really freaks her out. society does put a huge guilt trip, and i know that her parents would not be cool with it at all and their opinion means a lot to her. i think she is starting to cope with her feelings towards me though. in the beginning i was the only one who was affectionate, and now she will randomly kiss me or hold my hand and just give general affection, even in public. so things are moving in a good direction.