I admit, it's rare that I go out/get out, but even so - summertime is my time, as it's pretty much the only time I can get outdoors and not be in any sort of pain ( let alone the excrutiating pain that comes with wintertide )
but...
I've been less out-doing than I usually am - last summer I averaged at least 5miles a day, which is kind of my goal, but this summer I'm averaging only about 3 a day
I seldom answer the phone ( if I'm watching a movie or reading, it's unlikely I'll pick it up if it's not my daughters or ex-wife ), but I've been steadfastly avoiding it of late - even with learning how to text with the ex-wife via the e-cel ( she damaged her back recently, so was easier to converse via text than call - and less painful for her )
hard to explain, but it's as if my social ineptitude and anxieties regarding the world "out there" have kicked-up a notch...
not that I'm anxious, mind you, but less social - yes, unquestionably so.
aye, I'm still my always-smiling self, but there've been moments where I felt suddenly... stricken. caught in an emotional wave I had to lean deep into to keep from being swept away.
working a lot - but that's no shocker, watching films and online-TV - but that's no surprise, listening to my zune and pandora randomly - as per usual for me, reading and re-reading novels and stories - got boxes of books of worlds galore to explore again
*shrugs*
my world hasn't changed... I still seldom see people outside of my work, my daughters, and ex-wife - but it's been that way for a long-ass time, even before I had daughters and an ex-wife to speak of I seldom saw people and just up and did things on my own, as whim and while took me
I'm just a little greyer and heavier than I was a decade or two decades ago
still as geeky and inept and weird as I suppose I've always been ( hells, I have to take other people's words for that, I don't pay attention to myself nor do I feel it's necessary to do so *meh* )
but...
I dunno... maybe the years of semi-seclusion and doing things on my own and working as much as possible are starting to wear on me ?
I never would have thought so, but I suppose it's a possibility, neh ?
I mean - I've never been the "normal" one, even amongst the odds or evens, and the people I know that are still amongst the living are kinda few-and-far-between... not to mention largely many miles and miles away
( a helluva walk for someone without a vehicle since '99 )
I hear co-workers talk about doing this-and-that with friends and hanging out and this new thing or that new thing...
comparably my life has always been pretty stagnant... yeh, I've had my moments of hell and heavenish, but I could plug all those moments into a year's timeframe and still have days remaining
I've never really hung out with people unless they've caught me at the right time - sometimes even dragging me out with them
most of my friends I only see once every decade - usually with awful timing where it's only a few minutes then another decade to pass
I've only recently started to check out new things and go new places ( like the SD trip this year and last year's San Francisco trip ) ... but those I do alone, as with most things I do and have done in my life
hells...
maybe I'm getting burnt out at being me ? maybe I'm jealous of others' stories and semi-exciting lives ( comparably ) ? maybe I'm stick of spending every day in pain and routine ?
I'm probably just... getting old, I suppose.
don't get me wrong - I love life and I enjoy the 7 hells out of it... my way, anyways, and alone, as usual... but enjoy it I do !
if I didn't like what I was doing, I'd change it... I've done it before.
my life at this point - for all it's boring stagnancy and awkwardness - is the best my life's ever been, honestly.
maybe that's it ? ... I've hit a peak point and realizing it ?
*ach*
ANYways... thanks for "listening," lovelies and gentlefolk - 'til next posting, keep smiling and beware the squirrels
( seriously, The Squirrel Conspiracy is REAL - don't trust those fuckers ! )
twittage ::
8/14 :
"you should get a phone where you can go online" - it's enough that I now have a phone I can walk with that also texts, I don't walk + text
spelling is über-important - there's a world of difference between 'tease' and 'teas,' though both are welcome in my home :)
"blonde, brunette, or redhead?" ... why, yes, I believe you are correct ... "no, what do you prefer?" ... female, my friend, female ...
"how could you not vote for Hillary?" - because I've dealt with 2 terms of N0bama and no way in the 7 hells I'll vote for a N0bama2.0 term
how nice, a new Express Bus to the State Fair nearby... a block from where I was attacked & robbed in the middle of THE worst area locally
8/17 :
*laughs* just noticed on my somehow-still-tanned arms I have tiny Greys! in addition to the obvious beard/'stache and random upon my head
watched recently :
via netflix/hulu:
Alphas (2nd Season)
The Man With The Iron Fists 2: Sting Of The Scorpion
Terminus
New Girl (1st Season)
Lazer Team
Farscape (3rd Season)
Let's Go To Prison
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.