starkofdoom

I went back and listened to a bunch of 90's songs I haven't heard since highschool. I miss a lot of this music, but at the same time how am I old enough to be reminiscing about music in highschool.

So.... I think I finally understand how depression works for normal people. It's kind of weird because I am so used to it ruling my life. Before It pervaded everything, there was no part of my life that was unaffected by it. Now though... I am depressed and feel bad when I am alone with my thoughts, but it isn't the same because it isn't.......
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So... I turned a corner today I think.... I am going to be cautiously optimistic at this point though because I might just be having a good day. I will elaborate further when I am more comfortable with it.

I am an idiot. I have spent the last week overreacting to a friend ignoring me. I doubt she will ever talk to me again and I have ruined something awesome. I am a fucking idiot.

My friends have decided I am homophobic.... based on two things. Number one, when I am at a party made up of pre dominantly gay people, I am uncomfortable, number two, when I have been around gay couples in the past I have been uncomfortable.

Now the thing that they are ignoring is this, when I am at a PARTY, regardless of demographic, I am...
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Fuck I miss her in my arms. Fuck Fuck Fuck

What have I learned? You can't wait and let things get better before you start going out into the world. I was waiting til I got things paid off and was ready to take some steps forward in life, nice, safe, secure. Well now I am more fucked then before, and I am no where in my life.

Oh and my Girlfriend is breaking up...
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God I want my Girlfriend so bad right now.... I know she is gonna say we are over next sunday and there will be nothing I can do about it. It sucks soooooo much.

Wow.... I fell way to hard and way to fast. I should not feel like I need to be around her after I have had a bad day and it shouldn't make me this angry that I don't get to see her tonight.

Fuck having blue balls. That is all.

FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I AM !!!!!

I am so happy!! It's not just because I am falling in love either, I mean I don't discount that, but I am making the choice to be happy and make my life move along It is so... refreshing and exhilirating.