standardkink

The Red Baron

by james bezerra

“Did you know,” Leslie asks as we lie naked in the bed, sweaty and passing an American Spirit back and forth between us, “that Red Baron Pizza was not named after the Red Baron, but by the Red Baron? He learned about pizza during the war and tried to make it back in Germany when he got home.”

I’m...
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Don’t worry so much.

Your life is going to happen whether you agree to it or not.

Take a year off.

Or at least fantasize about it.

But definitely spend a year unloading trucks, or skinning fish.

Occasionally do things that don’t look good on a resume.

Do things so big and so weird and so messy and so strange that they never even make...
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As you all undoubtedly already know, next week the Roman Catholic Church will convene a meeting of Bishops from around the world to discuss issues - both ancient and contemporary - which are of importance to the modern church. This gathering is called a “Synod”, which is a word derived from the Late Latin synodus which means “teeth together” and is also a genus of...
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Things I did today:

- Laundry.

- Looked for an onion.

- Failed to find an onion.

- Asked the guy at Office Max to just give me some tape.

- Thought about showering.

Things I did not do today:

- Shower.

- Make food.

- Download the syllabuses (syllabi?) for my classes.

- Pay any of my bills.

- Email that professor I need...
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Today at work I learned that an ‘equine education program’ is not a school for horses where they learn how to bray and winy and do geometry. Apparently it is a place where people learn about horses. That is far less interesting, but I guess that makes sense because I don’t know how a horse would fit into a desk anyway.

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Itch

by james bezerra

I think I could like surfing. There’s a board strapped to the rollbars of a jeep in the 7-11 parking lot and it makes me think that I could like surfing. Legs dangling, slow and calm in clear blue water. I’d be tanner then. And leaner too. My skin would seem to always be warm, somehow, from the sun it had...
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I am feeling very alienated tonight. From what, I can not tell you. From life, I suppose? I’m not going to get all existential on you and I promise this won’t be a terribly long post, but I just want to think a moment on this feeling.

One would think it would be hard to feel lonely on a planet with 7 billion people on...
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An Actual Text Message that I Just Sent:

by james bezerra

Dear Jamie,

I am an aspiring minimalist. This weekend I have friends coming in from out of town. They are going to stay in my apartment and it would appear that I have gotten rid of all of my extra bedding and towels. What should I do?

Thanks for your help,

Beddingless in Bozeman

Dear Beddingless in Bozeman,

Avoid the inevitably awkward “minimalist” conversation all...
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