well i have to say i'm kinda getting back into warcraft, i went on hiatus from it for a while because of the new expansion not working on my mac, but now i have a custom built pc so all is good.
but i'm not gonna bore you with details of my gaming life, i guess i'm writing this because over the last 2 months i have been putting my trust in people who have ended up hurting me and i don't know where else to write this...
basically let me break it down,
in novemvber of 2007 there i was playing on World of Warcraft, minding my own business when i ran into someone, now usually on this game i find that people are stuck up jerks so i tend to avoid them but this person was kind and tried helping me out, as there was a glitch in the system they alerted me to.
we ended up playing together for a while and we soon became friends.
for the next few weeks we would talk all the time and i found myself going online simply to talk to her. i discovered her name was Shiori and she was an emo chick =P. the only downside was she lived in Belgium. now usually i try to distance myself when i find someone is THAT far away from me. but i chouldn't do that for her.
i knew i liked her A LOT. i couldn't just ignore this.
but i was still scared to admit it to her. until one day she told me she had feelings for me, and i was shocked. i immediately reciprocated them and we were both happy, she told me how she would come visit me in 2008, and i told my friends about her, something i consider quite a big step considering how worried i was at how they'd percieve the situation. but most of them took it in stride, which i have to thank them for.
but it went a bit tits up at some point.
shiori suddenly stopped coming online, and i panicked. i started asking myself questions if i'd been decieved this whole time if i was just some part of a big sick joke. but after a few weeks she came on, and i basically glomp raped her =P
she had been in a car accident... been unconcious for the last 2 weeks and only just out of the hospital, she compliained of headaches still...
i felt terrible that i could ever have doubted her.
then a few days later she went offline again.....and after 3 months i began to worry, i thought that her headaches might have been a brain hemmorhage or something along those lines, worried if she was dead.
her characters on my server had been deleted and i knew her friends played them, i had to find a way of tracing her,i searched EVERYTHING i had to find her, her e-mail, her name, pictures...EVERYTHING
the only lead i had to go on was on old screen shot of some of her chars on another server, i added them and only 1 still existed. after a few days someone came online,
but it wasn't her, it was her housemate, a guy called Maarten, he told me shiori was ok but rushed off her feet with her 2 jobs.
but i was glad she was ok, so i waited more, during the next few months i learned a lot about what shiori had said about me, she really felt i was something special, her friend wouldn't tell me details but i felt there was something he was hiding himself, i soon met someone called Steven who also used them. he explained that Maarten was also in love with her. i could see that coming thought tbh.
after another 3 months shiori made it online, and i told her how much i missed her, how much i was scared. she called me silly and treated me in the same loving way she had always done, she made my fears go away and i felt happy again. she explained how she was aware of maartens feelings but had clearly stated how she wasn't interested, and how she WAS interested in me.
and then she went offline again.
i decided i couldn't take it,
i saved and saved and when i finally had enough to go over and see her i found she was in spain, on holiday.
i decided i'd go when she came back, but just before buying the tickets her friend steven told me how she was back...
but planned to move to spain... i freaked out for no reason, spain isn't that much further away than belgium. so i calmed myself down.
the day she left she came on one last time to talk to me, she was scared and i told her that i'd always be there for her, that she is doing something she wants to do and i was proud of her and i mad her feel better.
but a few weeks later, after i had written something long, much like this, to explain to her everything i had felt over the last year, she told me she couldn't keep this going, we hardly spoke, she said we had hardly a future if this is how it was, and she was hurting just saying this.
i cried for days after hearing this, but i knew i had to be nice, i had to not make her feel worse, i told her i'd do anything she asked and if this is what she wants i would do it.
so i tried moving on, got drunk, went on dates, went out with a girl called Sally for a couple weeks.
but a few days ago i went back on Warcraft and spoke to her friend, i asked if shiori still talked about me
i got this:
now i've been crying again, i don't want her to make a choice for me like telling me to move on, that is MY choice, but i know she had the best of intentions, and i love her all the more for it, i've asked him to tell her to speak to me, and i've started saving.
i'm going to spain and i don't care what it takes, so long as she wants me there...
i hope she still does.
i hope i haven't made a mistake...
stupid i know.... and cheesy....but i believe it's fate, if it'll kill me doing this i don't care, i'd rather suffer chasing a dream than live in steady emptyness
but i'm not gonna bore you with details of my gaming life, i guess i'm writing this because over the last 2 months i have been putting my trust in people who have ended up hurting me and i don't know where else to write this...
basically let me break it down,
in novemvber of 2007 there i was playing on World of Warcraft, minding my own business when i ran into someone, now usually on this game i find that people are stuck up jerks so i tend to avoid them but this person was kind and tried helping me out, as there was a glitch in the system they alerted me to.
we ended up playing together for a while and we soon became friends.
for the next few weeks we would talk all the time and i found myself going online simply to talk to her. i discovered her name was Shiori and she was an emo chick =P. the only downside was she lived in Belgium. now usually i try to distance myself when i find someone is THAT far away from me. but i chouldn't do that for her.
i knew i liked her A LOT. i couldn't just ignore this.
but i was still scared to admit it to her. until one day she told me she had feelings for me, and i was shocked. i immediately reciprocated them and we were both happy, she told me how she would come visit me in 2008, and i told my friends about her, something i consider quite a big step considering how worried i was at how they'd percieve the situation. but most of them took it in stride, which i have to thank them for.
but it went a bit tits up at some point.
shiori suddenly stopped coming online, and i panicked. i started asking myself questions if i'd been decieved this whole time if i was just some part of a big sick joke. but after a few weeks she came on, and i basically glomp raped her =P
she had been in a car accident... been unconcious for the last 2 weeks and only just out of the hospital, she compliained of headaches still...
i felt terrible that i could ever have doubted her.
then a few days later she went offline again.....and after 3 months i began to worry, i thought that her headaches might have been a brain hemmorhage or something along those lines, worried if she was dead.
her characters on my server had been deleted and i knew her friends played them, i had to find a way of tracing her,i searched EVERYTHING i had to find her, her e-mail, her name, pictures...EVERYTHING
the only lead i had to go on was on old screen shot of some of her chars on another server, i added them and only 1 still existed. after a few days someone came online,
but it wasn't her, it was her housemate, a guy called Maarten, he told me shiori was ok but rushed off her feet with her 2 jobs.
but i was glad she was ok, so i waited more, during the next few months i learned a lot about what shiori had said about me, she really felt i was something special, her friend wouldn't tell me details but i felt there was something he was hiding himself, i soon met someone called Steven who also used them. he explained that Maarten was also in love with her. i could see that coming thought tbh.
after another 3 months shiori made it online, and i told her how much i missed her, how much i was scared. she called me silly and treated me in the same loving way she had always done, she made my fears go away and i felt happy again. she explained how she was aware of maartens feelings but had clearly stated how she wasn't interested, and how she WAS interested in me.
and then she went offline again.
i decided i couldn't take it,
i saved and saved and when i finally had enough to go over and see her i found she was in spain, on holiday.
i decided i'd go when she came back, but just before buying the tickets her friend steven told me how she was back...
but planned to move to spain... i freaked out for no reason, spain isn't that much further away than belgium. so i calmed myself down.
the day she left she came on one last time to talk to me, she was scared and i told her that i'd always be there for her, that she is doing something she wants to do and i was proud of her and i mad her feel better.
but a few weeks later, after i had written something long, much like this, to explain to her everything i had felt over the last year, she told me she couldn't keep this going, we hardly spoke, she said we had hardly a future if this is how it was, and she was hurting just saying this.
i cried for days after hearing this, but i knew i had to be nice, i had to not make her feel worse, i told her i'd do anything she asked and if this is what she wants i would do it.
so i tried moving on, got drunk, went on dates, went out with a girl called Sally for a couple weeks.
but a few days ago i went back on Warcraft and spoke to her friend, i asked if shiori still talked about me
i got this:
now i've been crying again, i don't want her to make a choice for me like telling me to move on, that is MY choice, but i know she had the best of intentions, and i love her all the more for it, i've asked him to tell her to speak to me, and i've started saving.
i'm going to spain and i don't care what it takes, so long as she wants me there...
i hope she still does.
i hope i haven't made a mistake...
stupid i know.... and cheesy....but i believe it's fate, if it'll kill me doing this i don't care, i'd rather suffer chasing a dream than live in steady emptyness
jj_r0x0rz:
=]