sixsixsin

another day. I am going back to my doctor coming up monday and asking him to remove this fucking godforsaken infusion pump... i do not care about it "helping my lungs and heart" it fucking HURTS! .......I am seriously finished with this pain bullshit.. if my time is up then my time is up..

ugh!!!

just woke up with the most fucked up feeling that its never enough time..and when everything we have been waiting for finally comes..(in litteral terms) then time will be up...... my poor poor child...

just got out of ICU .....blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... fuck.. ok so they want me to take part in a medical study.. which means i get two more right heart cath's ...no fun.... but death = no fun either.....

I spoke to my Doctor today and was informed that my friend Janine (who was diagnosed the same week as myself) has just passed away......R.I.P. Janine..you will be missed....


So...that set ball rolling on other crap.... I am to check into the emergency room tomorow in the A.M. they are worried about the ammount of fluid im retaining....they need to drain me.....yea...

I never really...
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its 5:56 in the am and im so bloody fucking HOT! I literally feel like i am melting...... i am also listening to two totally fucking obnoxious girls bla blah blah blah... me me me me... shut the FUCK UP!!! IM TRYING TO SLEEP!

I woke up actually feeling fucking GREAT today! had a fun weekend with my beautiful daughter and her friends.. just got on my facebook account and there was a graphic design job offer from the friend of a friend of mine who had seen some of my work. Nifty.. so may give him a call and freelance it a bit. wheee.. oh please dont let...
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Feeling REALLY crappy this morning.. i cant breathe for shit... i stand up , cant breath, walk 10 feet, feel like im going to drop.... this sucks...but will be a fun night.. slumber party style..(whee :whatever daughter and her friends... well actually that will be fun.. so.. they are good kids...er...something like that..at least i can tell them to clean and they wont bitch...er.....something like...
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Im back ...after a long hiatus...much has changed in my life... i was diagnosed 2 and a half years ago as terminally ill... wow like a ton of bricks i tell ya. nothing can prepare you for that second when the doctors come in and say "You have 2-4 years to live. you can extend that by between another 2 to 5 years if you...
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ohhhh ive had a fun couple of weeks.. one of them spent in the hospital for a blood clot.. (i didnt know they were deadly??!!) anyway they took care of it for the most part.. flushed me with blood thinners and pumped me full of antibiotics... (also had some blood infection...? where the FUCK do i get this crap!?!? i was just hangin out doin...
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ugh another day with a drunkass boss.. last night he cut his hand open while he was cutting something with a box cutter.. its a DEEP wound.. but the fucking moron wont get stitches. so i suggest pouring crazy glue in it... he screamed for about 3 hours. heh.. but today hes drunk again and wants me to stitch it...(i would but i dont have...
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