I've done a lot of thinking today, and yes it hurts but I will not allow myself to wonder in misery. I hate that she was ashamed of me, and I hate that she doesn't love me or care anymore if ever. But I can't dwell on this forever, maybe I need to love myself first. Mom and Celeste yelled at me yesterday because I don't ever wear a seat belt, when they asked why I said because I don't care if I get hurt. Mom was pissed she asked if I cared bout them, when i said yes she wanted to know why I would do that to them then. I can't keep hating myself, but sometimes it's hard to care when you feel like no one else does. I know they love me, Mom, Celeste, Sandy, Kieth, Melissa, Gran, Pixie, they all tell me that they do but in my mind I see all the people who don't Amanda, Karen The bitch who birthed me (not to be confused with Mom), Mike, Miki, Dan... The list seems longer and longer. Really I just want to not hurt anymore, sometimes if I can focus I can summon my wolf but even she is out of reach most times when I'm like this, I want my inner peace back. I need distance I think maybe a meditation weekend. I just wish I could love me, I know it would help. Sometimes I think I should just pack a few things get in my car and leave.
skully:
oh thank you thank you! i am forever grateful to you kind sir!
meow:
Thanks for the comment on my Lunch Lady set!