i wanted to do this for SO long, and thought it would be so fun and yadda yadda.
but, for the most part - i have thoroughly disliked it, unfortunately.
i heard bad things about the staff and how the site was run and everything. i just tried to ignore that all.
but the more i look around this site - they are accepting just about everyone.
and i'm going to get ALOT of shit for the following, but here goes.
I had such high hopes. I thought maybe, the people on here would accept me for looking like I do, but that's not the case at all. I'm just so generally displeased with this. It really sucks, because I loved SG for so long - I have the big black hardcover book, the first two DVD's, tons of photos saved that I loved.
For those who have made it and love it - I am so so happy for you.
SuicideGirls just simply did not work out for me.
If I don't get banned for the remainder of my year, I will check in periodically and give my love and support to the girls and sets I truly do love.
Maybe if I lose the weight I've been trying to, and start feeling better about myself and like I have a chance on being succesful with this site, I'll submit a new set - of a new me.
But for now, consider this an informal goodbye.
We have a lot in common- I also have just about everything SG put out: both hardcovers, both DVDs, a necklace, both series of trading cards, both issues of Papercuts, a hooded sweatshirt, thermal long sleeve shirt, etc, etc.I loved this site for a long time before joining, and since I've been here, I've been subject to some of the same disappointment as you (though obviously different, as I've never put a set up for MR review, what with being a dude). I have posted photos of myself in some of the groups pages that got unpleasant or a complete absence of attention. When I tried to post about wanting to meet someone in my local area on one of the boards I was absolutely ridiculed. I don't hear back on at least 95% of the comments I leave for others. And like yourself, I think if I lost some weight, I'd probably get more and better feedback from the community here.
Like yourself, I am going to try and lose some weight, but it's not because I want to try to fit into other peoples expectations of how I should look to be attractive. Being sexy, erotic, and desirable are states of mind. I'm going to be losing weight because it's starting to wear me out- I can't sleep at night, one of my arms goes numb because of pinched nerves, my back aches all the time, etc.
I'm very damn sorry that you feel like you've got to go away. I'm also sorry you've slipped under my radar- you seem like a great, beautiful woman, and this is the first time I've seen you on the website. Sorry for that- maybe if there were more people supporting you, you'd feel invited to stay.
Although it's probably over-the-line presumptuous, I'm going to tell you what worked for me, and maybe try to encourage you to stick it out a bit longer (and yes, I know it might be different because I'm not a model, and yes, I know the whole e-mail up to this point has been presumptuous). I figured out after about five months that I'm much happier in the community I've established, rather than trying to fit in to the prime collective, so to speak. I've found some great friends that I correspond with often, people I never would have met anywhere else. I've joined some groups that are both serious and fun. I've made an effort to blog more, and always comment on the blogs of people that I really feel connections with. And I'm a lot happier for it. I honestly feel like I belong here now- so much so that I replaced my old profile pic of Citizen Snips with an actual, factual picture of myself.
I'm sorry to see you go, if you decide to do that in the end. Now that I've found you, it's going to be a shame that we won't get to know each other- you seem like the kind of person I'd like to correspond with.
In closing, I'd like to invite you to friend me- I'd like that a whole lot. If you want to leave SG but are still interested in seeing what I'm up to and about, you can friend me on Facebook instead. My name is on my profile, Destroyer_Faith. Look up Suri as well- I'm sure you'd find her a valuable friend on here, if you haven't made her acquaintance yet.
I'm going to leave you with an excerpt and a link to a Brother Ali song that I've taken as my mantra when my body image starts to weigh on me. The songs called "Forest Whitatker."
Ayo, Dependin on the day, and dependin on what I ate
I'm anywhere from 20 to 35 pounds over weight
I got red eyes and one of them's lazy
and they both squint when the sun shines so I look crazy
I'm albino man, I know I'm pink and pale
And I'm hairy as hell, everywhere but fingernails
I shave a cranium that ain't quite shaped right
Face tight, shiny, I stay up and write late nights
My wardrobe is jeans and faded shirts
A mixture of what I like, and what I wear to work
I'm not mean and got a neck full of razor bumps
I'm not the classic profile of what the ladies want
You might think I'm depressed as can be
But when I look in the mirror I see sexy ass me
And if that's somethin that you cant respect then that's peace
My life's better without you actually
To everyone out there, who's a little different
I say damn a magazine, these are gods fingerprints
You can call me ugly but cant take nothing from me
I am what I am doctor you ain't gotta love me
I hope I here back from you Scam. Whether you want to yell at me, start a conversation, or just talk about anything at all, it would be good to see you stick around.
-CxAxH