rue42

I have been experiencing what my father used to call "the deep breath before the pain". In some ways this time of reflection before the unfolding design is even more unbearable than what is to come. The anticipation was infecting me like poison and I yearned for it to end, to embrace the oncoming onslaught if it meant for the agony and anxiety to cease....
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My ear infection got so bad my eardrum perforated. Again. I am now permanently hearing impaired in my left ear. Oh well. It's not like I don't read lips and (half-assed) practice sign language with my belly dancing instructor and my little Simba. Life goes on.

In fact, An Tir's first SCA event is this weekend. I'm stoked. I have new gear, not really staying...
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I might move in six months. It's exciting but scary. I've been in Washington for half my life. But I'm tired of taking comfort in ontological security. I need to see what else is out there. Who knows how long we have here? I owe it to myself to see the world.

My ear exploded. My body doesn't process most meds. Consequently, I am vomiting due to pain and extreme aching in my head not unlike a migraine but more akin to being punched violently and frequently with molten fists of LAVA.

My kingdom for some relief!

I was raped. I spent my entire life after trying to do something about it, trying to educate people and get over the absolute feeling of helplessness and the forced fact of knowing I was stripped of any control that followed me long after the event. And what do I get for it? I get called 'psychologically unbalanced' and when I bring up the topic...
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I really don't like my new job but I am lying to everyone I know because I hated my old job so much. Granted at my old job I got robbed and threatened on a regular basis. At this new one I only get threatened. Today a man screamed at me so much I still can't hear in my right ear. And all I asked...
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My head and my heart are at war. I want to do the right thing by everyone and sometimes I forget to do the right thing by me.

Hellooooo nurse!