The more I try to be consistent, the more my life becomes inconsistent. But then it all seems to come together again. If just for a little while. I do my best. Staying sober is hard. Staying honest even harder. And those two particular things walk hand in hand. Schopenhauer said "To have joy one must share it. Happiness was born a twin." And I like that. And he was right. You can't walk through this world without someone beside you who agrees to walk that same path. Someone who decides to be with you, the same way you decide to be with them. It's a beautiful quote and one worth repeating let alone adhering to. I know people such as this. And it not only warms the heart but kindles the hope. Keeps that far off star juuuust flickering. Even if you have to avert your eyes elsewhere to see it. I have gone through these oh so many years now without that comfort. It seems, to quote a song of mine, that I look on this past decade, and can't remember where I've been. Many nights of cocaine and whiskey fueled adventures that if I tried hard enough I could remember quite a number of details. But many of the faces start to blur, and the "good times" were few and far between. Good moments maybe, but very few good times. For a time things seemed to be going well. 1994-2000 was fantastic. After that it gets a little hazy and things start to lose their shine. I met some good friends during that time. And during that time I have wonderful memories. But the Good Times are scattered. And after a certain point, they shed themselves. And become moments. And only appear sporadically. Then they flicker...and fade. And the dark days begin. And refuse to share time. It gets lonely out here. And I'm weary. I long for that "Twin" to happen along...and smile...and say...
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