So I find myself returning here to SG after many years because it is one of the few places I feel free to speak my mind, and to express how I feel about what is going on in my life.
For the last 8 years I have diligently been pursing higher education. First I obtained my Bachelors of Science in Biology (with a focus on molecular biology and human anatomy) and a minor in Chemistry. I have since spent the last 2 years pursuing my Masters of Science in Orthopedics and Prosthetics. I now find myself in what should have been my final month of school, preparing for graduation and searching for residencies. However I wont be graduating in April with the rest of my classmates. I messed up a class last semester and have to take it in the fall of 2015. At best I will graduate in December. No too big a deal really, except that here I am having learned more than I ever thought I would, having gained degrees in fields that based on my high school performance I thought would be beyond me. I am the first person in my family to truly study the sciences, to take math to the levels beyond algebra, and only the 2nd to actually graduate. I can insert new genes into bacterial DNA, I have attended seminars filled with surgical students and had discussions on the ins and outs of how surgical amputations are performed.
8 years ago I was working at CVS stocking shelves and filling walk in freezers. Before that I was painting apartments and selling electronics. Now I understand organic chemistry, love to read papers published on the effectiveness of new prosthetic techniques and interesting case studies of those who need them. I have crafted devices with my own two hands that have allowed people to walk again, and presented a new way to make some of those devices lighter and cooler to wear.
I mention all of this because as of now I am likely to fail another class in my program, and it is difficult for me to internalize how that can be. How can one fail when they are learning so much? How can one fail when they are so much more than they were before they started their journey? Then I remember that I am dealing with institutions that do not care how far I have come as a person, how much I have learned and how much better off I am than before. All they care about is numbers, tests, scores, and grades. I understand why these things matter, and while I don't feel like they should not apply to me, I have to remember that no matter what these numbers say about me this is my journey and I have conquered and overcome so much that I cannot fail. I have already become so much more than I was that no matter how this all turns out success is just an inevitability.